IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Doe this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #doe #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most of the people do have
little
Suggestion
less
time
Use synonyms
 for their
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities
,
Accept space
,
since they
work
Use synonyms
 for long hours.
This
Linking Words
 situation
have
Suggestion
has
has had
is having
 more disadvantages.In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
Iam
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
am
 going to discuss about it. People spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
in
Suggestion
at
work
Use synonyms
.The people who do prolonged
work
Use synonyms
 without
rest
Use synonyms
 may sometimes cause physical and mental changes.
For example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
the brain will not do its functions properly
,
Accept space
,
when it does not get sufficient
rest
Use synonyms
.The body gets tired and the person becomes
more weak
Suggestion
weaker
.He/ She is not able to fully concentrate on their
work
Use synonyms
..It
definitelt affect
Suggestion
definitely affects
definitely affect
has definitely affected
is definitely affecting
 their job.They become fully disturbed.Sometimes
,
Accept space
,
people do not waste their
time
Use synonyms
 in
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities.They fully concentrate on their
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
the
researches
a scientist who devotes himself to doing research
researchers
 show more dedication to their
work
Use synonyms
.They don't even
wasyte
spend thoughtlessly; throw away
waste
 a single minute.
Time
Use synonyms
 is very precious and valuable to them.They argue that each
seconds
Suggestion
second
 in life
,
Accept space
,
not yet come again.So
,
Accept space
,
they do not alter their
mind
Suggestion
minds
 in other activities. People should spend some times for
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities.If they engage in other activities they can show more participation in their
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
a human should take
rest
Use synonyms
 minimum 6 to 8 hours.
This
Linking Words
 will make surpassed than before situation.
Nowdays
Suggestion
Nowadays
, in schools, children are fully engaged in some extra curricular activities.
This
Linking Words
 is to support them to get much better result.In the same way people
work
Use synonyms
 in night shifts should take
Use synonyms
rest
Suggestion
a rest
 on
day
Suggestion
the day
.
This
Linking Words
 is beneficial to them as well as to the authorised person.So human beings should engage in some other activities. To sum up
,
Accept space
,
most of the people
work
Use synonyms
 long hours and
spendless
Suggestion
spend less
time
Use synonyms
in
Suggestion
on
leisure
Use synonyms
 activities.But they should partially concentrate on their free period.
Submitted by anju2senthil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: