Some people say that seeing an ancient objects in a museum can give the public a unique awareness of history. Others say that modern media such as internet provide more effective way for the public to learn about history. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

History
provides an indispensable source of instruction to the
people
. It is argued that by visiting museums
one
can inculcate more awareness regarding
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
. Others believe that modern media is more satisfactory for
people
to learn about the past.
This
essay sheds light on various perspectives and
establish
Change the verb form
establishes
show examples
a conclusion. On the
one
hand, museums provide
tip
Fix the agreement mistake
tips
show examples
regarding
history
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
various reasons.
Firstly
,
people
can learn more about
history
if they visit in
foundation
Add an article
the foundation
show examples
because they can observe
Correct article usage
the equipments
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
and
also
guided
Add a missing verb
be guided
show examples
by the staff. To illustrate, teachers prefer their students to go
gallery
Change preposition
to gallery
show examples
and inculcate knowledge, as by getting close to the ancient objects
one
can gain a lot of clues.
Secondly
, it is
also
a fact that by visiting
gallery
Fix the agreement mistake
galleries
show examples
people
can become more emotionally
touch
Change preposition
in touch
show examples
with the past.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,tend to
send
Correct your spelling
spend
show examples
more time
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
nitty-gritty
Add an article
the nitty-gritty
show examples
about the past.
On the other hand
, movies and eBooks
also
spread knowledge regarding
history
. These days
people
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
more reliable technology and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
helps them to learn more about the past. Even though it is very convenient and comfortable to learn through the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
As
Correct word choice
One
show examples
one
can
get
Verb problem
become
show examples
aware of past events just by sitting in any corner of the world.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
people
found themselves more curious to learn about
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
if they found their favourite personality or hero in the film regarding the story of the ancient past. Conclusively, by visiting the museum
people
can gain awareness regarding
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
because he/she had observed every single thing.
However
, the internet and movies are more convenient and entertaining to learn. From my perspective, Modern media found to be Fruitful to gain knowledge regarding
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
way.
Submitted by prathamarora451 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point related to the topic and provide supporting details.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow by organizing ideas more cohesively. Use transitional words and phrases to connect ideas throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: