IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

As national services, which one deserve to receive more financial support, education or health?

Nowadays, it is often argued that which sector should receive a large portion of government funds
either
Punctuation problem
, either
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care system or
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 system and different people have different mindsets. The vast majority of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 ponder that authorities should increase the budget in health rather than
education
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 averse go it. In my opinion, I strongly
reckon
Verb problem
believe
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 that
finance
Correct article usage
the finance
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 department should allocate more money to
education
Use synonyms
. The following paragraphs will first elucidate the pertinent reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 my assertion with an apt example, followed by a
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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 conclusion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are a number of aspects in favour of my
perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
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. First compelling factor is that there is no doubt,
education
Use synonyms
 is the key to
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
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 the economy of the nation.
As a result
Linking Words
 higher the literacy rate of the nation, and it will achieve prosperity.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
to invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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 the money in
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
the education
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 system will increase the employment rate,
thus
Linking Words
 generating the most money for the nation. Certainly, more employment means citizens can contribute to the development of their country through taxes.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per a recent survey in the USA, 75% of the
government
Check wording
government's
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 annual budget came from the professional tax.
Hence
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 can help increase the nation’s budget. In conclusion, I strongly recommend that the government should make
the
Correct article usage
apply
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schooling its number one priority during the allocation of funds
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is the need of the hour.

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task response
Add clearer evidence or real examples for each point and state why it helps the country.
coherence
Use simple link words and clear topic sentences to show how ideas fit together.
grammar
Fix grammar and break long sentences into shorter ones for easy read.
lexical
If you use numbers or facts, check they are correct and easy for the reader to trust.
task response
The reader can see a clear choice in favour of education.
structure
There is an introduction and a closing idea.
idea
Some ideas about how education can help the economy are shown.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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