IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #influence #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is considered that, living in the 21st century
allow
Suggestion
allows
 the young to spend our
times
Suggestion
time
 in many new
places including
Accept comma addition
places, including
 big shopping malls where most of the teens waste most of their
times
Suggestion
time
 in
thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will lead to a negative impact on the young themselves and the society. I fully agree
this
Linking Words
 and in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will clearly mention why I support
this
Linking Words
 idea. I agree that spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 in the shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 because
such
Linking Words
 places lack
from
Suggestion
of
 useful educational areas.
In other words
Linking Words
, shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
Centers
 are filled with stores and many cafes and electronic
games
Suggestion
game
 zones which none of them will add a positive to the young.
For
Linking Words
instance adding
Accept comma addition
instance, adding
 a cultural zone or creating some useful events in the shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 will attract the young and introduce them to some useful things during the hours they spend there. So,
addition
Suggestion
the addition
 of small educational zones to attract the young is much useful for both the young and the community they are living in. The statement is right the shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
 might be threatening areas as a space for spreading diseases. The shopping malls are big closed areas and crowded most of the
time
Use synonyms
 and the people are in direct contact with each other so any air prone disease is going to be easily transferred in
such
Linking Words
 areas and the younger people are
in
Suggestion
at
 higher risk since their immune system has not fully developed yet.
For example
Linking Words
, these days the new
coronavirus
Suggestion
 which has been spread all over the globe and the shopping mall is a preferred zone because it is filled with virus
favorite
something regarded with special favor or liking
favourite
 specie which is the human. In my opinion, going to the malls when it is for something important not for meeting a friend or to spend
time
Use synonyms
in
Suggestion
with
 because it is an area of infections. In conclusion, the Shopping
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
Centers
 are not a suitable
places
Suggestion
place
 for the young to spend their
times
Suggestion
time
 in because most likely it have a bad impact on them as well as the society for wasting
times
Suggestion
time
 in not a useful thing and they are crowded and might transfer diseases.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: