IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

many people spend less and less time in their homes.what do you think are the reasons?what effects does it have on individuals and the society?

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It is true that
soaring number
Suggestion
soaring numbers
the soaring number
 of people staying outside their homes for many hours each
day
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.Here
，
Accept space
,
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 will discuss what cause
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 situation and how it will impact our personal and social lives. There are perhaps two main factors contributing to the phenomenon mentioned above.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Accept space
,
an increasing high proportion of
workadults
Suggestion
work adults
 works overtime per
day
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 due to extremely high KPI or business culture
,
Accept space
,
which means they usually spend more than 8 hours in the workplace.At the same time
,
Accept space
,
schools always keep students in classes for long hours.A typical example of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because of test-oriented educational system
,
Accept space
,
average middle-school
day
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 in china runs from
7：30AM
Suggestion
7:30AM
 to
10：30PM
Suggestion
10:30PM
.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
Accept space
,
unlike the past
,
Accept space
,
people nowadays have access to a variety of hangouts
,
Accept space
,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as
theaters
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatres
theatre
,
Accept space
,
shopping malls
,
Accept space
,
bars and gyms.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

Therefore it
Accept comma addition
Therefore, it
 is understandable that why people go out for fun
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of just staying at home.
Such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 trend
have
Suggestion
has
 various effects on many aspects.From a personal perspective
,
Accept space
,
spending all
day
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 long outside the
house perhaps
Accept comma addition
house, perhaps
 lead to a high level of extra expense
,
Accept space
,
simply because those individuals need to pay for restaurant meals or even other pastime activities.On the
society
Suggestion
societal
 level
，
Accept space
,
,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 time distribution would surely prompt local economy growth.To be more specific
,
Accept space
,
It is not uncommon for white-collars to hang out with colleagues or friends in an amusement complex after hectic work
,
Accept space
,
which possibly provide markets for catering
,
Accept space
,
beauty
,
Accept space
,
movie and clothing industries
,
Accept space
,
and
consequently
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 boosts domestic business. In all
,
Accept space
,
the fact that people spend more hours outside is a result of plenty of contributors
,
Accept space
,
and it eventually impacts our lives to a larger or smaller extent.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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