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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #internet #phone #development
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Owing to the technological advancement, use of
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 and phones have been
increasingday
Suggestion
increasing day
 by day;
however
,
exessive
beyond normal limits
excessive
 use of anything is harmful and nowadays people are more dependent on their
phonesand
Suggestion
phones and
internet
.
This
 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages
os
to the same degree (often followed by 'as')
as
such
 dependency. To commence with, there
are
Suggestion
is
 a
loads
Suggestion
load
 of disadvantages of relying on these technologies.
Firstly
,
such
 devices and
internet
 belief making us incapable in
myraid
too numerous to be counted
myriad
 aspects like,
remembring
the cognitive processes whereby past experience is remembered
remembering
, calculating, learning and so on, because we compress
our all data and
Suggestion
all our data and
 calculation through phones and online application.
Secondly
, indulging in much more in mobile phones and online websites
have
Suggestion
has
 some adverse effects on our health as nowadays many people are spending their a lot span of time on these inventions which are causing
number
Suggestion
a number
 of diseases
such
 as obesity,
diabeties
a polygenic disease characterized by abnormally high glucose levels in the blood; any of several metabolic disorders marked by excessive urination and persistent thirst
diabetes
, Blood pressure because they are not participating in any physical activities.
On the other hand
,
although
such
devicesand
Suggestion
devices and
 inventions have many deficits, they are having
number
Suggestion
a number
 of advantages which
are benefitted
Suggestion
benefit
 to the people.
one
Suggestion
One
 approach is that
such
 discoveries are helpful in managing day to day hectic schedule even if we forget anything it reminds us about our plans by setting
alarm
Suggestion
the alarm
an alarm
 or reminder.
Next approach
Suggestion
The next approach
 is that in our
world there
Accept comma addition
world, there
 are lots of information which are unable to access easily without
internet
 and through
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 we can get any news, any information, every kind of knowledge just on our finger tips.
Hence
,
such
 advantageous innovations are seriously required at the times. To recapitulate, in the
last
 few
decades people
Accept comma addition
decades, people
 are using phones and
internet
 on an excessive level so that they could solve their problems and get
a
Suggestion
an
 easy way to learn things.
while
Suggestion
While
 they have many disadvantages but
advantages
Suggestion
the advantages
 can overcome them with
wisely
Suggestion
wise
 use of phones and
internet
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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