IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.

The bar chart illustrated the amount of houses constructed yearly in two cities ( Derby and Nottingham) during the period from 2000 to 2009.
#bar #amount #houses #two #cities #derby #nottingham #period
The bar chart illustrated the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
houses
 constructed yearly in
two
 cities (
Derby
 and
Nottingham
) during the period from 2000 to 2009. In the first
two
years
, the number of
housed
Replace the word
houses
show examples
 built in these
two
 cities
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 similar,
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 50
houses
.
Then
Derby
 presented
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend, having 100
houses
 built  in 2003.
Then
 from 2004 to 2007,
this
 figure
flatten
Change the verb form
flattens
show examples
 out, around 120 annually. In
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
two
years
, 
this
 figure dramatically increased in
Derby
, up to about 280 in 2008 and close to 350 in 2009. The number of
houses
 built in
Nottingham
 presented
unsteady
Correct article usage
an unsteady
show examples
 trend. After a sudden drop in 2003 to around 20,
this
 figure gradually increased until 2005,
around
Change preposition
with around
show examples
 75
houses
 built in 2005. In the
last
 four
years
,
houses
 built in
this
 city presented
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 various
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
. There were only around 10
houses
 built in 2006 and 2008; but, the number of
houses
 built in 2007 and 2009 to 250 and 300 respectively. 
Overall
, more
houses
 had been built annually in
Derby
 than those in
Nottingham
, except in the first
tow
Correct your spelling
two
show examples
years
 and the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2007.
Real
Correct article usage
The real
show examples
 estate market in 
Derby
 was better than that in
Nottingham
 during the period.
Submitted by busybee1693 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 92%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, two, derby, nottingham, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrated" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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