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Band 5.5

IELTS Academic Graph Writing - Bar Chart: The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

IELTS Academic Graph Writing - Bar Chart: The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Graphics In
This
Linking Words
 Test Introduce The Reader About The Top Ten
Countries
Use synonyms
 With The Highest Allocation On Travel In 2014. The Top Ten
Countries
Use synonyms
 Were Displaying The Reader As Concern Expenditure Based On The Calculation Of Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
.
Countries
Use synonyms
 From The Information Chart Contains The Well Known
Countries
Use synonyms
,
Such
Linking Words
 As
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
China
Use synonyms
, The United States, Germany, The United Kingdom, Singapore, South Korea, Hong Kong, India, Malaysia, And
Taiwan
Use synonyms
. The Information From Chart Was Using Multiple Of 20 Scales Which Starts From 0 To 120.
Then
Linking Words
 The Graph Was Showed With
Horizontal
Correct article usage
a Horizontal
show examples
 Display Which Is Accompanied By The Separator Line In The Scale With Value 4.
This
Linking Words
 Was Related To The Source From Unwto
Overall
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 Spent More Money On Consumer Travel Than
Other
Correct article usage
the Other
show examples
 9 (Nine)
Countries
Use synonyms
 In 2014.
China
Use synonyms
 Spent Money On Travel With Concentrate 110 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
.
Next
Linking Words
 Rated Accorded To The United States And Germany With 85 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
, And
Also
Linking Words
 Followed By The United Kingdom With 55 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
, South Korea And Hong Kong With 20 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
, India With 15 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
,
Then
Linking Words
 Malaysia With 12 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
. The
Last
Linking Words
 Rated In Graphic Showed By The Country Of
Taiwan
Use synonyms
 With 10 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
 Consumed In 2014 In Terms Of Comparison of Donation Consumer On
China
Use synonyms
 With
Taiwan
Use synonyms
Were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Contained 100 Us $
Tons
Use synonyms
. As The Chart Show The Purchaser Expended
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 Is 11 Times Larger Than
Use synonyms
Taiwan
Change preposition
in Taiwan
show examples
. The Another Fact That Reader Can
Took
Change the verb form
Take
show examples
 From The Graph Was From Top To Bottom,
Units
Correct article usage
the Units
show examples
 Of Spending Was Decreasing From One To Another. There Are 2 (Two)
Countries
Use synonyms
 That Have The Equalization Of Spending Costumers Each Other. Some
Countries
Use synonyms
 In Asia Was Telling Us To Continue And Dominate Compared To Other Continents In Years Of 2014. The Conclusion From The Diagram Was Telling Us About Money Spent On Tour 2014. We
Have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Known The
People
Change noun form
People's
show examples
 Republic Of
China
Use synonyms
 Becomes The Biggest Spending Patron In 2014.
Use synonyms
China
Change noun form
China's
show examples
 Neighbouring
Countries
Use synonyms
, Hong Kong And
Taiwan
Use synonyms
 Are Included. That
Linking Words
Also
Add a missing verb
is Also
show examples
 Related To
Number
Correct article usage
the Number
show examples
 Of Populations Where There Are Potentials For Very Big Travels

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries, tons, china, taiwan with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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