IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars , sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

#celebrities #film #stars #sportsmen #pop #musicians #money #jobs
It is often observed that people working in the field of sports and entertainment are paid exorbitantly.
This
 essay agrees that while sportsmen and other artists are paid heavily, they have acquired their skills with serious hard
work
 and deserve every penny of it.
This
 essay will
first
 discuss the reason why celebrities and athletes are entitled to receive substantial pay and
further
, suggest other professions that deserve a high remuneration. Prominent personalities deserve to be highly paid because they help in boosting the profitability of the organisations they endorse.
This
 is to say, people consider sports athletes and television artists as their role models and follow their footsteps.
Therefore
, companies choose them as their brand ambassador in order to increase the sale of their products and become market leaders. Since, celebrities magnify and uplift the profits of the companies, their high remunerations are justified.
Furthermore
, famous people are worthy for high income as they
work
 immensely hard, irrespective of their health conditions, family needs and other
priorites
status established in order of importance or urgency
priorities
, to not only to entertain people but to
also
 bring name and fame to their country. Apart from celebrities, people employed in
armed forces
Suggestion
the armed forces
 and working as
dosctors
a licensed medical practitioner
doctors
also
 deserved to be
paid highly
Accept comma addition
paid, highly
 since they
work
 selflessly for the people of their country. Military personnels are posted
on
Suggestion
at
border
Suggestion
the border
, sacrificing their lives in order to protect their country from any danger or terrorist attacks.
Moreover
, medical practitioners study for years in order to acquire
thes
plural of "this"
these
the
this
 skills and knowledge that they can
us
put into service; make work or employ for a particular purpose or for its inherent or natural purpose
use
 to save peoples' lives.
Hence
, they well deserve to receive money in
crores
. To conclude, famous people
deserves
Suggestion
deserve
 to receive high
inome
the financial gain (earned or unearned) accruing over a given period of time
income
inane
 as they not only aids in business in gaining huge profits but
also
work
 very hard in their industry.
Besides
this
, health care practitioners and armed forces
also
 deserve high income because of the unselfish duties they perform.
Submitted by sodhi.parul.18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: