IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions #information #features #comparisons
We were given
to
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apply
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visual aids both of them are circle graphs.
On
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In
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first
Add an article
the first
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chart
Add a comma
,chart
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 we can find
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
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 about the quantity of
use
Replace the word
used
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energy
 Australian housekeeping in accordance with
this
second
chart
illustrate
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illustrates
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 the percentages of greenhouse
gas
 which was released
as a result
 of consumed
energy
.
Overall
, it is fair for both charts that water heating needs a big amount of
energy
 (30%),
therefore
, produces approximately the same volume of greenhouse
gas
 (32%).
however
, the heating part of the first
graph
 takes the biggest share,
whereas
 in reference to the
second
graph
Add a comma
,graph
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 it generates three times less
gas
. The pie
chart
 about Australian household
energy
 use clearly shows that heating and water heating occupy most of the
chart
42
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at 42
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% and 30% respectively. The area of other appliances takes less than a fifth of the
energy
. 7% of the used
energy
 is spent on refrigeration. So, the lowest share of
graph
Add an article
the graph
a graph
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 is occupied by cooling 2% and
lightning
Correct your spelling
lighting
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 systems.
on the other
hand
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,hand
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 the
second
 circle
graph
 demonstrates the consequences of consumed
energy
.
According to
this
 water heating
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 and other appliances produce the highest amount of
gas
 emission (about 30%). Heating and refrigeration parts of
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
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releases
Change the verb form
release
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 the same volume of greenhouse
gas
 related to 15 and 14 per cent. 8% of
gas
 emission is generated by
lightning
Add an article
the lightning
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system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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. The least amount of waste is produced by
cooling
Correct article usage
the cooling
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 area in regards to the consumed
energy
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, energy, gas, graph with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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