IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

#people #children #members #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, the way of bringing up kids is changing tremendously as compared to past few decades. Parents think they can manage all the things by themselves and they can look after their children better than other members of the family.
However
Linking Words
, I think that whole family plays a significant role in upbringing of an offspring.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when children live in the joint family under one roof, they can learn umpteen values from each family member. They will learn sharing things, caring for others, standing by each other's side in ups and downs. And in
this
Linking Words
 era, almost every kid has working parents; in
this
Linking Words
 case children will always have someone around them to take care of them in their parent's absence. To exemplify, my parents were working and my grandmother used to look after me in my childhood. She gave me incredible values for life which I still follow.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if parents will bring up their kids alone, it will be quite stressful for them. As new parents, it will be very difficult for them to manage things in the absence of experienced or elderly people. Even if they can manage all sorts of circumstances, still sometimes they need their personal space which is only possible by taking help from family.
For example
Linking Words
, if parents leave their kids at day care, it will be financially stressful for them and child can feel isolated too. In view of the arguments outlined above, I will conclude by saying that the upbringing of children in the presence of the whole family has several benefits. Children will become good citizens by learning good manners from people with different personalities. It will help them to deal with people of different nature and attitude.
Submitted by n.kaur8036 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: