Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
In today’s world, we can find a lot of competition in several places in jobs, school and everyday soul. Few individuals believe that it has a positive impact on society.
On the other hand
, some citizens reckon everyone should assist each other. This
essay will argue former arguments and my view inline.
To begin
with, the competition between youths in work, in institutions, and in daily life
, is a positive change to make them more productive. Many survey reports depict that people who work in cut-throat environments, each member want to beat the environment for recognition,
and get growth in their careers. Remove the comma
apply
Moreover
, companies earn more profit by creating a competitive environment at the workplace with minimum labour and maximum productivity. The students also
achieve the desired score in examinations.
On the flip side, efforts beyond the capacity become the root cause of accidents and failures. They feel demoralized if do not meet the target achieved by opponents. For instance
, many people in jobs and pupils in educational establishments struggle and ignore the rules of security and health, which leads to accidents. To mitigate these consequences, seniors support their juniors in offices, schools and daily life
. In my view, we should create a competitive environment to some extent by putting extra pressure. So that they can achieve smoothly without putting lives in danger.
In conclusion, creating competency in the workplace, in schools, and in daily life
, makes a better version of every day. However
, to solve these issues of health problems and life
risks, experienced people should assist freshers or new joiners to make them comfortable in jobs or school classes by guiding time to time.Submitted by praveen_200671 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides your own opinion, which is great. However, the discussion and examples could be more detailed. Try to add more specific examples and expand on each point to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay can be improved. Some sentences could be rephrased for clarity and better organization. Use transition words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning a specific study or real-life scenario could make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. Try to make them more engaging and concise. Summarize the main points of your body paragraphs in your conclusion for a clearer wrap-up.
task achievement
Your essay tackles both perspectives and gives a clear opinion, which is essential for this type of task. Well done!
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This provides a good framework for your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.