IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
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In recent years, the world has witnessed the growth of the entertainment industry on a large scale.
As a result
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 of
this
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, entertainers
such
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 as actors, musicians, comedians and sports stars are awarded more than average worker in financial terms. It is often argued that their
paycheques
Suggestion
pay cheques
 are above normal persons pay grade. In my opinion, I completely agree that celebrities deserve the
amount
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 that they receive for their hard
work
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. There are numerous reasons why they deserve to be paid more as compared to people from other industries.
To begin
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 with,
such
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 people have to face enormous competition, as millions of people desire to become a celebrity. Considering the competition, an individual requires to perform extraordinarily and needs to get approval by thousands of people in order to be successful not just their seniors.
In addition
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 to
this
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, entertainers have to be successful every time while performing on their respective platforms. One unsuccessful performance could set them back for years. As I could recall, a famous cricketer could not perform well due to which his team lost the match resulting him to retire from the team permanently. Apart from the entertainers, there are various people who deserve a handsome
amount
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 for their
work
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such
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 as doctors, soldiers, scientists and teachers. All these people have a significant impact on people’s lives, as they are able to shape individual life for a better future.
Moreover
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, soldiers risks and sacrifices their life on borders to protect us from terrorism. To conclude, it is justified to pay a massive
amount
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 to entertainers for their hard
work
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.
However
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, doctors,
soldiers teachers
Suggestion
soldiers, teachers
 and scientist
also
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 deserve the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of their
work
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 and contribution to the world.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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