Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #e #g #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs

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In today's world,

celebreties

a widely known person

celebrities

celebrations

can be

millionares

a person whose material wealth is valued at more than a million dollars

millionaires

thanks to their large rewards. Some people insist on that considering the contribution to the

society

Use synonyms

, the rewarding for people who get involved in the entertainment is overpaid.

This

Linking Words

arguments

Suggestion

argument

are

Suggestion

definitely understandable and

persesive

intended or having the power to induce action or belief

persuasive

Accept space

provided that we focus on the occupation which can help a lot of people

such

Linking Words

as doctors or activists of environment. As far as the impact of the improvement of the

society

Use synonyms

is concerned, there is no doubt that the value of the celebrities

are

Suggestion

limited. Because even though ordinary people are able to have a

cheeful

being full of or promoting cheer; having or showing good spirits

cheerful

time with entertainment, their basic

qualitiy

an essential and distinguishing attribute of something or someone

quality

of the life cannot be improved. Giving the example, when Japanese people were suffering from the terrible earthquake which is called Tohoku Earthquake in 2009,

entertainment

Suggestion

the entertainment

cannot save Japan from disaster. Only the people who help Japanese people from miserable panic were doctors, nurses and therapists. At that time, they have clearly recognised that we should have

priorized

express approval of

praised

promised

pressurized

the occupation who directly contribute the

society

Use synonyms

, not admiring for celebrities.

However

Linking Words

, there is a serious social problem in Japan that because of low salary and hard work, less and less young people desire to become

such

Linking Words

saint

proffessions

the body of people in a learned occupation

professions

professionals

In stead

Suggestion

Instead

choising

pick out, select, or choose from a number of alternatives

choosing

chasing

causing

those jobs, some of them are dreaming celebrities, which have cool image. According to the statistics published by the Japanese job market research institution, the most popular job for boys is

football player

Suggestion

a football player

and for girls is

actress

Suggestion

an actress

. Getting worse, the doctors and nurses are out of top 20. In order to change

this

Linking Words

situation, which invaluable jobs are less admired and respected, they should be more paid and rewarded. To sum up, we should judge the value of occupations how much it

contribute

Suggestion

contributes

the

society

Use synonyms

. From the view of

this

Linking Words

logic, celebrities are over-evaluated and over-paid.

Moreover

Linking Words

, Paying more money for jobs which directly save the

society

Use synonyms

improve today's world better.

Submitted by yukari.ishii0722 on Fri Feb 28 2020

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

317 words

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Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think that the government should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and homeless people. What is the cause of the problem? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is more important for a building to serve a purpose than to look beautiful. Architects should not worry about producing building as a work of art. Do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. Some people fear that this may have negative effects on young people and the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?