IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people realize that people living in the 21st century generally have a better quality of lives than people born in earlier centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #quality #lives #centuries
At present, numerous individuals consider that
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century generates suitable lifestyles rather than the
people
 born in previous periods.
Similarly
, I agree with
this
 assertion and
this
 essay will examine the reason why
this
 is viable
according to
 me. Let us understand the reason why I believe that modern time is beneficial for improving
life
 forms.
To begin
 with, applying advanced technology is the most convenient concern. Nowadays,
people
 are consuming bunches of electrical machines
such
 as mobile,
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
, and
printer
Fix the agreement mistake
printers
show examples
;
as a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals can easily develop their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Besides
, enhancing communication is another matter which cannot be disregarded as well.
Else
Rephrase
Otherwise
show examples
, by using social
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
, the selves can contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their family members;
therefore
, they build a rich
bonding
Replace the word
bond
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and lead a meaningful
life
.
For example
, an international newspaper published news that about 51% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
folks
did
Verb problem
apply
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicate
show examples
 via the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
, and
constructed
Wrong verb form
construct
show examples
 healthy
relation
Replace the word
relationships
show examples
 with their relatives.
Although
, it is said that the earlier centuries might bring a few plus points. Adding that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
enriching
Correct article usage
an enriching
show examples
 friendly mentality is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 valuable fact, which was happening in the past time. The
people
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
met with their friends face-to-face;
hence
, their friendship stood
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
.
For example
, the researchers
are indicating
Wrong verb form
indicated
show examples
 that earlier
friendship
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friendships
show examples
was more
Verb problem
were
show examples
strong
Replace the word
stronger
show examples
instead
 of current
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, I realize that the world is switching current because of modern technologies and equipment.
Hence
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are developing not only their lifestyles
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 communication
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
.
To conclude
, undoubtedly,
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century provides
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of positive things;
thus
 I assume that every public is improving their way of
life
 currently.
Submitted by faizulpalash60 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument supporting the idea that people in the 21st century have better quality of lives. However, more development could be made by providing stronger examples and expanding on the points made.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-connected, but more transitional phrases could be used for smoother flow.
task response
Clear argument supporting the idea that people in the 21st century have better quality of lives
coherence and cohesion
Logical structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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