IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone’ life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?/

#part #everyone’ #life #people #lives
Everyone at some point in their life has been an Advertisement, it has become inevitable to escape them these days. The question is if they are a positive
part
 of our
lives
 or not
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 I, somewhat agree with
this
 statement. From my perspective,
Ads
 have become a major
part
 of our
lives
, whether we watch them on our TVs on YouTube or in the newspaper, they spread awareness of new and current technology
while
also
 providing us with information about upcoming sales which could be useful to some
people
. Advertisements can
also
 be used to campaign for/against a cause, sending a message to enormous amounts of
people
 at once. Advertisements
also
 help
people
 brainstorm and think of new and creative ways to turn them into customers.
However
,
Ads
 have
also
 become a negative
part
 of
people
's
lives
 as they have become too excessive and have
also
 become misleading with time. In my opinion, with the rise in technology,
Ads
 have become more misleading to gain customers who are naive or don't read the terms and conditions and it becomes hard to differentiate if an advertisement is misleading or not.
Ads
 can
also
 be used to spread opinions against a certain institution/person because of the influence they have on the general masses.
To conclude
, Advertisements these days have their pros and cons, but I think the number of advantages outweighs the number of cons and have become a positive
part
 of our
lives
.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar vocabulary
There are some grammatical and lexical inaccuracies, such as 'Everyone at some point in their life has been an Advertisement' and 'to gain customers who are naive or don't read the terms and conditions.' Aim for fewer linguistic errors to enhance clarity.
task response
Specific examples or more concrete evidence would strengthen your essay. For instance, you could mention a specific ad campaign that has raised awareness or been misleading.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a more balanced examination of the effects of advertising. Try to dedicate equal weight to both sides of the argument to show a comprehensive understanding.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
task response
You have addressed the task reasonably well by providing points for both the positive and negative aspects of advertising.
coherence cohesion
Good use of paragraphing helps to keep your argument organized and easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • informative
  • engages
  • creative
  • art form
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • misleading
  • exaggerating
  • vulnerable
  • unrealistic
  • body image expectations
  • competitive
  • economical
  • targeted ads
  • personalized ads
  • intrusive
What to do next:
Look at other essays: