The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

#show #results #survey #people #age #groups

The given pie charts illustrate the information about factors that make different age

people

happy. The pie chart

divided

Add a missing verb

is divided

show examples

into two groups below 30 and above 30 years old. The overview here is that there are common reasons to make

people

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

more happiness.

For instance

, achievement at work and

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

hobbies,

while

there are many different causes related to age, like

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

having a better appearance for

people

under 30,

also

financial security for

people

more than 30.

Firstly

, look at the similar part. It is noticeable that

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

both younger and older

people

give importance to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

achievement at work, 31% of

people

younger than 30 and 32% of

people

older than 30 have voted for

this

, followed by doing hobbies, with 22% and 24% for

people

under 30 and over 30 respectively. Turning to the different parts, many young

people

gained happiness by having a good appearance and travelling, which

responsible

Add a missing verb

is responsible

show examples

for 18% and 15%,

while

older

people

have different ways to receive their happiness.

For example

, 20% of older

people

choose financial security and 14% choose to be with family.

Submitted by ntmillza on Fri Feb 28 2020

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

184 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

In some countries, owing a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you thimk this is a positive or negative situation?

People today are surrounded by all kinds af advertising. this both affects what they think is important and is a negative influence on their lives. To what extent to you agree or disagree?

Some people think that men and women have differrnt qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

At the present time, the popuation of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantage of this situation outweight the disadvantages?

Some countries focus on health care and education benefits while others on infrastructure and employment. Which do you think would be more beneficial for the population? Give specific details and examples to support your opinion.