The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

#show #results #survey #people #age #groups

The given pie charts illustrate the information about factors that make different age

people

happy. The pie chart

divided

Add a missing verb

is divided

show examples

into two groups below 30 and above 30 years old. The overview here is that there are common reasons to make

people

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

more happiness.

For instance

, achievement at work and

doing

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

hobbies,

while

there are many different causes related to age, like

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

having a better appearance for

people

under 30,

also

financial security for

people

more than 30.

Firstly

, look at the similar part. It is noticeable that

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

both younger and older

people

give importance to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

achievement at work, 31% of

people

younger than 30 and 32% of

people

older than 30 have voted for

this

, followed by doing hobbies, with 22% and 24% for

people

under 30 and over 30 respectively. Turning to the different parts, many young

people

gained happiness by having a good appearance and travelling, which

responsible

Add a missing verb

is responsible

show examples

for 18% and 15%,

while

older

people

have different ways to receive their happiness.

For example

, 20% of older

people

choose financial security and 14% choose to be with family.

Submitted by ntmillza on Fri Feb 28 2020

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

▼

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

184 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The charts below show the results of a survey about what people of different age groups say makes them most happy.

1. In many countries today, everyday necessities like food and petrol have become very expensive. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think it's better to choose friends who always have the same opinions as them. Other people believe it's good to have friends who sometimes disagree with them.

Compare the advantages and disadvantages of three of the following as media for communicating information: State that you consider to be the most effective. comics books radio television film theatre

in some part of the world, the rate of divorce has increased dramatically over the past few decades. explain possible reason for this problem and suggest some solution.