One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh

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Advancement in technology has changed

Use synonyms

life style

Suggestion

the life style

of people significantly in medical field

Accept space

Therefore

Linking Words

, people are living longer time. Advance medical sector has

benefits but

Accept comma addition

benefits, but

I think it does not outweigh

it’s

of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"

its

drawbacks

such

Linking Words

increase

Suggestion

an increase

in population, unemployment and dependence of older age group on the society. Let us examine

this

Linking Words

statement in

further

Linking Words

paragraphs. To commence with, advance medical care rises population

Accept space

As people nowadays have solution of detrimental ailments,

likewise

Linking Words

cancer, heart diseases and many more which were

uncureable

incapable of being cured

incurable

bygone era

Suggestion

bygone eras

the bygone era

a bygone era

. Due to

Linking Words

this

plural of "this"

these

facilities people are

Suggestion

facilities, people are

facility people are

facility facility people are

living longer

Accept space

which creates

issue

Suggestion

issues

of overpopulation

Accept space

Consequently

Linking Words

, unemployment

become

Suggestion

becomes

major concerns among young populace because experienced people are the

first

Linking Words

demand of every working organization. To illustrate, a research was conducted by

London university

Suggestion

a London university

UK which

Suggestion

the UK, which

the UK which

revealed that 70% older age group is

Suggestion

for

employment as

they

of them or themselves

their

energy and better

health

Use synonyms

as well as they avoid retirement from their jobs

Accept space

Thus

Linking Words

number

Suggestion

the number

a number

of young almost equal to zero in working

fields

Suggestion

the fields

Accept space

Additionally

Linking Words

, another disadvantage of inclining

life

Use synonyms

expectancy not only foe

people but

Accept comma addition

people, but

also

Linking Words

for the authorities. As it becomes moderate for the government to provide basic facilities to all people

such

Linking Words

as accommodation, water and electricity

Accept space

Hence

Linking Words

increasing number of people due to

health

Use synonyms

facilities indirectly effecting economy of the nation. To illustrate, in almost every county people over 60 are getting free of cost heath treatment as well as travel on half tickets which is at the end pay

Suggestion

the government

Accept space

On the contrary

Linking Words

, there is a one advantage of having

longer

Suggestion

a longer life

life

Use synonyms

because of

health

Use synonyms

facilities is people are living with the

mix

Suggestion

mixed

age group

Accept space

Moreover

Linking Words

, people can get advice from experienced people. As senior citizen can guide

new generation

Suggestion

the new generation

new generations

a new generation

about difficult situations and motivate them

Suggestion

their struggle. To conclude, it can be said that modern

health

Use synonyms

facilities are

backbone

Suggestion

the backbone

this

Linking Words

era but

Accept comma addition

era, but

in certain situation it can be halted

life

Use synonyms

of people.

As a result

Linking Words

having longer

life

Use synonyms

has corns which cannot be neglected

such

Linking Words

dependence of older people on others, unemployment

Accept space

disturbance of

economy

Suggestion

the economy

so it is clear disadvantages are overweigh having longer

life

Use synonyms

’s advantages.

Submitted by gurjeet14002 on Sat Feb 29 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
35
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

360 words

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One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

20.People who damage public property, such as buildings or status should be required to do community service (such as cleaning parks) as a punishment rather than other forms of punishment (such as paying a fine or going to prison). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Comany ask for employee personal information for hiring do you agree and give your opinion

It is becoming increasingly popular to have a year off between finishing school and going to university. What are the advantages and the disadvantages of this?