One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Advancement in technology has changed
life style
Suggestion
the life style
of people significantly in medical field
.
Accept space
.
Therefore
, people are living longer time. Advance medical sector has
benefits but
Accept comma addition
benefits, but
I think it does not outweigh
it’s
of a thing, of it; possessive form of "it"
its
drawbacks
such
as
increase
Suggestion
an increase
in population, unemployment and dependence of older age group on the society. Let us examine
this
statement in
further
paragraphs. To commence with, advance medical care rises population
.
Accept space
.
As people nowadays have solution of detrimental ailments,
likewise
cancer, heart diseases and many more which were
uncureable
incapable of being cured
incurable
in
bygone era
Suggestion
bygone eras
the bygone era
a bygone era
. Due to
this
plural of "this"
these
facilities people are
Suggestion
facilities, people are
facility people are
facility facility people are
living longer
,
Accept space
,
which creates
issue
Suggestion
issues
of overpopulation
.
Accept space
.
Consequently
, unemployment
become
Suggestion
becomes
major concerns among young populace because experienced people are the
first
demand of every working organization. To illustrate, a research was conducted by
London university
Suggestion
a London university
in
UK which
Suggestion
the UK, which
the UK which
revealed that 70% older age group is
on
Suggestion
for
employment as
they
of them or themselves
their
energy and better
health
as well as they avoid retirement from their jobs
.
Accept space
.
Thus
,
number
Suggestion
the number
a number
of young almost equal to zero in working
fields
Suggestion
the fields
.
Accept space
.
Additionally
, another disadvantage of inclining
life
expectancy not only foe
people but
Accept comma addition
people, but
also
for the authorities. As it becomes moderate for the government to provide basic facilities to all people
such
as accommodation, water and electricity
.
Accept space
.
Hence
increasing number of people due to
health
facilities indirectly effecting economy of the nation. To illustrate, in almost every county people over 60 are getting free of cost heath treatment as well as travel on half tickets which is at the end pay
by
Suggestion
of
the government
.
Accept space
.
On the contrary
, there is a one advantage of having
longer
Suggestion
a longer life
life
because of
health
facilities is people are living with the
mix
Suggestion
mixed
age group
.
Accept space
.
Moreover
, people can get advice from experienced people. As senior citizen can guide
new generation
Suggestion
the new generation
new generations
a new generation
about difficult situations and motivate them
by
Suggestion
in
their struggle. To conclude, it can be said that modern
health
facilities are
backbone
Suggestion
the backbone
of
this
era but
Accept comma addition
era, but
in certain situation it can be halted
life
of people.
As a result
having longer
life
has corns which cannot be neglected
such
dependence of older people on others, unemployment
,
Accept space
,
disturbance of
economy
Suggestion
the economy
so it is clear disadvantages are overweigh having longer
life
’s advantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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