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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many modern societies, grandchildren rarely spend any quality time with their grandparents. What do you think are the consequences of this?

In the modern world, family relationships are the most discussed topics. These days
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kids
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, kids
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 miss out on spending time with their
grandparents
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 as joint families are disintegrating
to
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into
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the
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apply
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nuclear ones.
This
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 has
the
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apply
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consequences which impact both the
kids
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 and
elderly
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the elderly
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. First of all, let's discuss the impact on the
children
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.
Grandparents
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 are fun to be around
and
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, and
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 they shower
kids
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 with lots of love and care without expecting anything in return.
This
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 teaches
kids
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 the very basic lesson of
the
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apply
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society, true love and humanity. All these qualities are very necessary to become good citizens of the country.
Secondly
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, these days both
the
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apply
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parents are working and
therefore
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, have less
term
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time
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 to spend with their
children
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. The
grandparents
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 often cover
this
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 gap and teach them the difference between right and wrong.
For instance
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, it is widely accepted that if a child does not have any
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
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 to guide and look upon,
then
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do
Correct pronoun usage
they do
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 not understand the difference between good and bad and
hence
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, often fall prey to bad company. The consequences for the elderly involves issues related to their mental health. Most of the
grandparents
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 are retired and do not have much to do to keep themselves busy.
Thus
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, they often feel lonely in the old age, which might cause depression.
For example
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, multiple surveys found that if they get to spend some quality time with their grandchildren,
then
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 they feel rejoiced and
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as
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, as
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 a result, attain better mental health.
To conclude
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, spending little time with
grandparents
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 could have harsh consequences
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such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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 more
children
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 getting involved in crimes and degradation of the mental health of the elders.
Children
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 should spend more
term
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time
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 with them for a better society.

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coherence
Make one idea per paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Each paragraph should only talk about one point and then give a short example or reason.
grammar
Improve grammar and word choice. Use simple, correct forms. For example, say 'spend less time' instead of 'spend less term' and 'they understand' instead of 'then do not understand'.
lexical
Add a few more specific examples or facts to back up your points. Real or generic, but precise enough to feel real.
structure
The essay has a clear plan: talk about kids first, then the old people, then a conclusion.
coherence
Good use of linking words like First of all, Secondly, and To conclude.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • family
  • time
  • together
  • grandparents
  • grandchildren
  • love
  • care
  • memory
  • story
  • history
  • lesson
  • value
  • bond
  • health
  • loneliness
  • stress
  • support
  • help
  • teach
  • learn
  • guide
  • model
  • trust
  • belong
  • culture
  • tradition
  • future
  • life
  • visit
  • communication
  • interaction
  • togetherness
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