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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams show total global population between 1900 and 2000, and its proportions according to region.

The diagrams show total global population between 1900 and 2000, and its proportions according to region.
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This
Linking Words
 graph illustrates the global
population
Use synonyms
 from the
year
Use synonyms
 1900 to 2000
along with
Linking Words
 with the regional proportional values in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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significantly increased all over the world
at the end
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 of the period.
In addition
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, the regional number in
Use synonyms
year
Add an article
the year
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 is 1.6billion at 2000 it reached to 6billion. In the
year
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 1900
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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population
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 is below 2
billion
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 and it slightly increased in 1920
then
Linking Words
 it drops down in 1930 to 1
billion
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 people.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
population
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 is not stable and
its
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it's
it is
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 under
2billion
Correct your spelling
2 billion
 though it has fluctuations until 1970. After that, the
population
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 gradually increased to 6
billion
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 in the
year
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 2000.
While
Linking Words
 looking for more details, In 1900, Asia and Europe had 60% and 25% of the world's
population
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comparing
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to other countries, but both
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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decreased by 6% and 9% in 2000. Latin America and Africa had a little growth in 2000 with 8% and 10% compared to 1900 with 3% and 4%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 North America and other remains same in
bot
Correct your spelling
both
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 the
year
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 with 5% and 3%. Middle East and North Africa were added in
the
Change the article
apply
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2000 with
the
Correct article usage
a
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population
Use synonyms
 of 6%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, year, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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