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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006

The chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006
The chart illustrates which typologies of digital
games
Use synonyms
 (mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
, online
games
Use synonyms
, console
games
Use synonyms
, handheld
games
Use synonyms
) had been sold from 2000 to 2006. The units are expressed in $bn.
Overall
Linking Words
 handheld
games
Use synonyms
 are the most sold of all and their global
sales
Use synonyms
 increased from almost $ 12000000 in 2000 to arrive just below $ 18000000 in 2006. All the
games
Use synonyms
 considered
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
 their global
sales
Use synonyms
 but the console
games
Use synonyms
, as it is possible to see the money spent on these
games
Use synonyms
 decrease every year, from almost $ 6000000 in 2000 to approximately $ 3000000 in 2006. In the year 2000 mobile phone
games
Use synonyms
 and online
games
Use synonyms
 had no
sales
Use synonyms
, the online
games
Use synonyms
 started to
be sell
Change the verb form
be sold
show examples
 in 2001 whit a very little amount of
earns
Wrong verb form
earning
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. But
then
Linking Words
, from 2002 to 2006 their
sales
Use synonyms
 increased rapidly until reaching more or less $ 8000000.
The mobile
Correct article usage
Mobile
show examples
 phone
games
Use synonyms
 started to have considerable global
sales
Use synonyms
 in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
2002
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they were at the same level as the ones of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
games
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 their
sales
Use synonyms
 increased constantly until 2006,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the sale are lower than handheld
games
Use synonyms
 and online
games
Use synonyms
 but more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double
of
Correct pronoun usage
those of
show examples
console
Add an article
the console
a console
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words games, sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global sales
  • Digital games
  • Trends
  • Emergence
  • Decline
  • Console games
  • Handheld games
  • Popularity
  • Steady increase
  • Online games
  • Mobile phone games
  • Technological advancements
  • Consumer behavior
  • Subsequent growth
  • Noticeable changes
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