IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

All fathers should be entitled to time off from work when their children are born. What is your opinion?

#fathers #time #work #children
Many companies
now allows
Suggestion
now allow
are now allowing
have now allowed
 fathers to take a few days or
week
Suggestion
a week
 off
leaves
Suggestion
the leaves
 to the
time
 while his wife is pregnant. In my opinion, I think
this
 is a meaningful idea and in
further
 paragraph
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 am going to explain
this
.
Firstly
, just like mothers, fathers are
also
 feeling stress and tension
on
Suggestion
in
 their routine
life
.
Moreover
, at the
time
 of
childbirth he
Accept comma addition
childbirth, he
 feels nervousness in their work. So that
time
 company gives them a
paternity
 leaves to spend
most beautiful moment
Suggestion
most beautiful moments
 of their
life
 with their
life
 partner.
In addition
, a
men
Suggestion
man
 working in that company where his wife is a labour,
then
 they can cope with the situation and deal with any problem easily like that women
also
 feel stressful when her husband is not there with her on
time
 of delivery. So that the companies give
paternity
 leaves for not only support their wives at the
time
 of baby born but
also
 to
maintained
Suggestion
maintain
 or balanced their
life
 cycle. The
second
think
a special situation
thing
 which I believe to give husband
paternity
 leaves due to take care of his baby as well as his wife. Add on the birth of
child
Suggestion
a child
children
the child
 is extremely painful for the mother. At that
time
, she hopeless and do not have much energy in her body. So the presence of her husband in crucial
time
 give her positiveness and reduce her pain. To sum up, it is a good idea to give fathers a
paternity
 leaves from work when their wives are pregnant. He becomes a strong support of her. More on, he can see a beautiful and priceless moment of their
life
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: