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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows how people in USA spent their free time between 1980 and 2010

The graph below shows how people in USA spent their free time between 1980 and 2010
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The following line graph provides information about how American people used to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 from
1980
Change the article
the 1980
show examples
 year to
2010
Change the article
the 2010
show examples
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, at the beginning of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1980 watching TV accounted
about
Change preposition
for about
show examples
 60% of the most
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 activities,
while
Linking Words
 surfing the internet was the lowest
activity
Use synonyms
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
 both Surfing the internet and Reading were
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
from
Change preposition
by
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 0% of the American population,
this
Linking Words
 situation changed from 1990 to 2010year,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they had a
rapidly
Replace the word
rapid
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increase
Replace the word
increasing
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,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
similar situation occurred with hiking, in fact, at the beginning of the period just 20% of the population spent their
time
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
activity
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 after about 30 years it became the most popular one. In the far 1980 the majority of Americans used to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 watching TV, but
afterwards
Add a comma
,afterwards
show examples
this
Linking Words
 practice had a slow decrease,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 it still remained the
second
Linking Words
 most common
activity
Use synonyms
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 nowadays. In
this
Linking Words
 century we can claim that the most
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 activities
Correct your spelling
from the
fromthe
Correct your spelling
from the
 American
Correct your spelling
population
populations
populationn
Correct your spelling
population
 in their spare
time
Use synonyms
 are hiking, watching TV, reading and surfing the internet,
while
Linking Words
 the less
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
activity
Use synonyms
 is going to the theatre

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, activity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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