IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Children can learn effectively by watching television. Therefore they should be encourage to watch television regularly at home and school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#children #television #home #school
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe children learn
more effective
Suggestion
more effectively
 by watching various
television
Use synonyms
 programs, and they
should be promote
Suggestion
should promote
should be promoted
 watching
television
Use synonyms
 more often.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion as children learn successfully with real life experiences and spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 in watching
television
Use synonyms
 can hinder their social skills. Student learn more efficiently when they learn through practical experiences.
Student
Suggestion
The student
 will remember for
long
Suggestion
a long time
time
Use synonyms
 if they are
thought
Suggestion
thinking
 in real life setting
then
Linking Words
 watching a documentation about it. They can learn through exploring and discovering new ways to solve a problem.
For
Linking Words
example no
Accept comma addition
example, no
 one can learn how to ride a bicycle by watching a video about. They have to actually sit on one and try to do it. By increasing the number of
television
Use synonyms
 hours for children can hinder their
scoalizing
the act of meeting for social purposes
socializing
 and problem solving skills. Children who
watches
Suggestion
watch
 more cartoons have often
delays
Suggestion
delayed
 in communication skills, as cartoons only have one-way interaction.
Student
Suggestion
A student
The student
 who spends
increasing amount
Suggestion
an increasing amount
increasing amounts
 of
time
Use synonyms
 watching
television
Use synonyms
 have high
anixty
(psychiatry) a relatively permanent state of worry and nervousness occurring in a variety of mental disorders, usually accompanied by compulsive behavior or attacks of panic
anxiety
 and lack stress management. Research shows that students
now a days
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
 suffer more from general
aniexty
(psychiatry) a relatively permanent state of worry and nervousness occurring in a variety of mental disorders, usually accompanied by compulsive behavior or attacks of panic
anxiety
 disorder. In conclusion, I disagree that children should be
encourage
Suggestion
encouraged
 to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 watching
television
Use synonyms
 as it effects their socializing skills and watching more
television
Use synonyms
 is not the ideal way of promoting learning.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • passive
  • sedentary
  • limit
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • educational content
  • expose
  • different cultures
  • perspectives
  • negative effects
  • behavior
What to do next:
Look at other essays: