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Band 4

he environment problem facing today's world are so great that there is little ordinary people can do to improve the situation. Government and large companies should responsible for the deducing the amount of damage being done to the environment. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#environment #world #people #situation #government #companies #amount #damage
Nowadays it is hard to catch up with technology and development. Young
people
 develop too fast today and it is hard for
parents
 to catch up. Personally, I agree with the statement that today young
people
 make their own
decisions
 and do not depend on their
parents
 as it was in the past. I feel that way for two reasons which I will explore in my essay.
To begin
 with,
due to
 developed technologies and smart gadgets
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents
show examples
 are way too advanced. Young
people
 are able to solve problems more easily than their
parents
.
As a result
, they become more independent and open-minded from a very young age. The advent of the Internet made a huge gap between generations and seized
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
show examples
 for youth to solve their problems on their own. For example, when I was in University my
parents
 decided what I should study, where and how. They went with me to apply for classes, to meet
councilors
Change the spelling
councillors
show examples
 and to decide what would be more beneficial for me.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, nowadays, my
seventeen years old
Correct your spelling
seventeen-year-old
show examples
 son
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 his own
decisions
 about his major and
did
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
everything by himself. Everything was done
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
 and he never needed my assistance or help.
Secondly
, our children learn in school how to be free and independent from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
very young age. They are allowed to
made
Change the form of the verb
make
show examples
 their own
decisions
 and be responsible for mistakes they have
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
.
For instance
, my
20 years old
Correct your spelling
20-year-old
 nephew decided to rent an apartment and live alone without his
parents
. At
first
Add a comma
first,
show examples
 his
parents
got
Verb problem
were
show examples
surprised and were very upset about his decision.
However
, they felt that he was mature enough to manage his life and was totally able to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 himself.
As a result
, his relationship with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
his parents
show examples
 became much better, he had more time to study and relax in the way he wanted.
Change preposition
On
show examples
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, 10 years ago when I was young I couldn't
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
had
Verb problem
apply
show examples
even
imagine
Change the verb form
imagined
show examples
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 alone and
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 able to live without parental custody.
Overall
, I think that nowadays young
people
 are more independent and free than in the past.
That is
 because technology is accessible from the very young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 and it helps them to become more free from
parent's
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
show examples
 control and become more freethinking.
Also
, youth learn how to become adult from school
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
be ready for life and be responsible for making their own
decisions
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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