IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #part #sports #teams #football #tennis
For some people, play a
team
sports namely
Suggestion
sports, namely
sport namely
sport sport namely
 football is more advantageous.
However
,
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
 consider being a
player
 of individual games
such
 as tennis provides more benefits. In my perspective, a
game
 played by individual is comparatively viable On the one side some people consider that individual
sports for
Accept comma addition
sports, for
example tennis
Accept comma addition
example, tennis
 are helpful in learning a new
skills
Suggestion
skill
. In detail, when
player
Suggestion
a player
the player
 gets involved in
these
Suggestion
this game
these games
game
, faces many challenges, to which as he
overcome
Suggestion
overcomes
, attain a good practical skill and
lastly
 become expert in it. Another considerable point is that these types of
game
 build confidence.
In other words
, when
player
Suggestion
a player
 wins the
game
, feel
sense
Suggestion
a sense
 of accomplishment which improves his confidence.
Consequently
, he plays more enthusiastically
next
 time.
On
Suggestion
At
 the
second
 time, other people and I understand that participate in
team
 sports is beneficial because they increase cooperation and sense of community.
In other words
, while playing
team
 sports, all
player
Suggestion
players
 develop cooperation
in
Suggestion
with
 them which need to be to remain connected with their
team
 for leading the
game
. As a result, they become more cooperative. Another considerable point is that it improves communication skills. In detail, because of being part of a
team
,
player
Suggestion
players
a player
 exchange many messages to each other which develops adequate communication skills and
able
Suggestion
the ability
ability
 to understand each other with
better way
Suggestion
a better way
better ways
. To conclude,
although
 individual games are helpful for players in learning new skills, I believe that
team
 sports make to them more cooperative as well as confident which are required for life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
What to do next:
Look at other essays: