IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

If children behave badly should their parents take responsibility and also be punished? State your answer and give your reasons. OR If a five year old commits a crime, should his/her parents accept responsibility and how should they be punished. What is the age of a child when parents no longer have the responsibility of a child’s behavior?

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It is an ongoing debate
that
Correct word choice
whether

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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 parents are responsible for the misdeeds of a child or not. I believe that if youngsters commit a crime, their guardians should be blamed and they should be punished. An elaboration of my viewpoint with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun examples in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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relevant examples and reasons has been justified in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 learn everything from the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings

It seems that surrounding may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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 and family in which they are living
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is a duty of an elder to teach and guide their kids.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, my country, India has a rule that people below 18 years should not be punished.
In
Change preposition
As

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a result, they can make a big mistake in
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 future.
Government
Correct article usage
The government

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 should take
an
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
action against their guardians so that, they restrict their kids properly.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is a required step for a better future
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a youngster.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is an emotional connection between parents and their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. If a punishment
given
Add a missing verb
is given

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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 to them, it would affect
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 mind of a young one.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 situation will daunt them forever and it will stop them
to do
Change preposition
from doing

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 any kind of crime.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a guardian should take
a
Remove the article
apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun responsibility in your sentence. Consider removing it.

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responsibility
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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 a child because
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction because. Consider removing the comma.

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behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour

The noun phrase behaviour seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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 of a younger is only depends upon their family background. If a father or a mother is doing an illegal thing,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 will
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 learn that from them. To summarize the discussion, the guardian is the only element in the childhood
from
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 which
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 are attached to. There is no one above them to teach
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 difference between good and bad. Thereby, if younger one does any illegal thing, their parents are responsible for that and a proper punishment should be given to them.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented to address the essay prompt effectively.
relevant examples
Ensure that all specific examples and ideas provided are relevant to the topic and support the main points effectively.
task response
The essay needs to address the prompt more comprehensively with a stronger focus on task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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