IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

If children behave badly should their parents take responsibility and also be punished? State your answer and give your reasons. OR If a five year old commits a crime, should his/her parents accept responsibility and how should they be punished. What is the age of a child when parents no longer have the responsibility of a child’s behavior?

#children #parents #responsibility #five #year #crime #age #child #child’s #behavior
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is an ongoing debate
that
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 parents are responsible for the misdeeds of a child or not. I believe that if youngsters commit a crime, their guardians should be blamed and they should be punished. An elaboration of my viewpoint with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
relevant examples and reasons has been justified in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 learn everything from the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
 and family in which they are living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is a duty of an elder to teach and guide their kids.
For example
Linking Words
, my country, India has a rule that people below 18 years should not be punished.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
 a result, they can make a big mistake in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 future.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should take
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action against their guardians so that, they restrict their kids properly.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is a required step for a better future
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a youngster.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is an emotional connection between parents and their
children
Use synonyms
. If a punishment
given
Add a missing verb
is given
show examples
 to them, it would affect
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 mind of a young one.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 situation will daunt them forever and it will stop them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
 any kind of crime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a guardian should take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a child because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
show examples
 of a younger is only depends upon their family background. If a father or a mother is doing an illegal thing,
children
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 learn that from them. To summarize the discussion, the guardian is the only element in the childhood
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 which
children
Use synonyms
 are attached to. There is no one above them to teach
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 difference between good and bad. Thereby, if younger one does any illegal thing, their parents are responsible for that and a proper punishment should be given to them.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly presented to address the essay prompt effectively.
relevant examples
Ensure that all specific examples and ideas provided are relevant to the topic and support the main points effectively.
task response
The essay needs to address the prompt more comprehensively with a stronger focus on task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: