IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

15. Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #towns #situation
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Youth
Use synonyms
 start leaving rural areas to settle in
downtowns
Suggestion
downtown
 and developed cities to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their daily life necessities by leaving behind their old
generation
Use synonyms
 which causes major social problems in both old and new
generation
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
depression
Use synonyms
, anger and home sickness.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the causes of the problems and their possible solutions.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the most major problem is the
depression
Use synonyms
 due to the separation between old and young
generation
Use synonyms
. Most of times
youth
Use synonyms
 want to live with their old parents because they understand it is their responsibility to take care of them, but they could not
live
go away from a place
leave
 due to less job opportunities in the rural areas, which forced them to leave the countryside in search of jobs which help to get some capital to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
their
reflexive form of "them"
themselves
them
 as well as their old
parents
Suggestion
parents'
 daily life
house hold
a social unit living together
household
 necessities.
In addition
Linking Words
 to above, anger,
home sickness
a longing to return home
homesickness
 and loneliness are the major problems raised when
youth
Use synonyms
 travels to developed cities away from their old
generation
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 social problem should be resolved by the Government of the country by providing some sort of financial support to the people living in the rural areas. Government should take necessary actions and should start schemes like loans for
youth
Use synonyms
 living in
countryside
Suggestion
the countryside
, which help them to start some small business and can generate some monthly income to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their daily life requirements.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Government
Suggestion
the Government
 should construct roads, transit bus services and bullet
trains
Suggestion
train
 tracks. These facilities should connect to rural areas across the countryside and by using these services the
youth
Use synonyms
 from cities can reach to their loved ones regularly, which gives them
chance
Suggestion
a chance
the chance
 to take care of
old
Suggestion
the older generation
older generation
an older generation
generation
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 will make
youth
Use synonyms
 as well as
old
Suggestion
older
generation
Use synonyms
 stable, calm and free from
depression
Use synonyms
. To conclude, the social problems
such
Linking Words
 as
depression
Use synonyms
,
home sickness
a longing to return home
homesickness
, anger and loneliness are raised when
youth
Use synonyms
 travels to cities and
downtowns
Suggestion
downtown
 away from the old
people and
Accept comma addition
people, and
 these problems can be resolved by creating more job opportunities in rural areas and by developing rural areas infrastructures.
Submitted by sp16rpm091 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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