Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations

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one

Use synonyms

's life,

everyday

Replace the word

every day

show examples

is not the same, and each

person

Use synonyms

this

Linking Words

world is facing different difficulties. In

such

Linking Words

a situation,

while

Linking Words

few assert that

one

Use synonyms

should accept the truth of life and remain calm, others, including myself, claim that it is an individual's responsibility to thrive for the better and change their situation.

This

Linking Words

essay will

further

Linking Words

discuss both

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

perspectives and provide reasons to have

such

Linking Words

beliefs. Few people, on the

one

Use synonyms

hand, choose to accept their faith because they feel that at least they can be less stressed. A

person

Use synonyms

who is already in trouble is vulnerable to negative emotions. In certain circumstances where he is incapable of changing the reality, he will be mentally tortured if he denies accepting the truth.

As a consequence

Linking Words

, he will become a stressful being.

Last

Linking Words

year,

for example

Linking Words

, a

person

Use synonyms

lost his job

due to

Linking Words

the recession in his country, and because he was unable to find a new

one

Use synonyms

, he ended up having depression as it was unacceptable to him.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, others, myself included, argue that if you are taking charge of life, you will be able to create favourable circumstances. To elaborate, taking

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

authority and working hard towards a goal will enable a

person

Use synonyms

to achieve excellence.

Moreover

Linking Words

, people should realize that every problem has a solution; it is possible to plan and progress. In India,

for instance

Linking Words

, a tea vendor has become the prime minister

due to

Linking Words

his

hardwork

Correct your spelling

hard work

and intellect. In conclusion, though avoiding stress by accepting harsh conditions is an option, I believe, people should challenge the odds and emerge. Even though it is tough to do so, it is possible to achieve through patience and perseverance.

Submitted by rohith.joey on Thu Mar 05 2020

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grammar

Avoid minor grammatical errors like 'thrive for the better' should be 'strive for the better', 'accept their faith' should be 'accept their fate'.

cohesion

The structure of the essay is generally good. However, the connections between each paragraph could be smoother.

task response

When you're providing examples to support your points, make sure your examples are specific, impactful and highly relevant to the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

adversity
resilience
stoicism
contentment
cope
adapt
endure
persevere
settle
ambition
tenacious
determined
resourceful
optimistic
self-improvement
proactive
initiative
transform
overcome
confront

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Some people argue that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others believe that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

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