IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since it construction in 1950.

The diagrams below show the changes that have taken place at West Park Secondary School since it construction in 1950.
#diagrams #show #changes #place #west #park #school #construction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The maps illustrate how West Park Secondary
School
Use synonyms
 has changed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over
three
Use synonyms
 various time periods (1950, 1980 and 2010).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the main road remained in place over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
Besides
Linking Words
, over a fifty-year period from 1950 to 2010,
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 is extended
while
Linking Words
the houses area
Change to a genitive case
the area of the house
the area of the houses
show examples
 is demolished in the
school
Use synonyms
’s layout
diagram
Use synonyms
. In 1950, There were
three
Use synonyms
houses
Change the noun form
house
show examples
 rows nearby
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, it
replaced
Add a missing verb
was replaced
show examples
 by other buildings is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 Science block and
Car
Correct article usage
the Car
show examples
 park in 1980.
In addition
Linking Words
, farmland is
also
Linking Words
 replaced
sports
Change preposition
by sports
show examples
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
 in 1980.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these buildings are constructed with the purpose of accommodating the increase in student enrolments. From 1980 to 2020, the
school
Use synonyms
’s layout
diagram
Use synonyms
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
size
Add an article
the size
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some areas. There was a
dramatical
Replace the word
dramatic
show examples
 increase in the
size
Use synonyms
 of the car park, compared to
map
Correct article usage
the map
show examples
 in 1980. When deciding to extend
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 car
par
Correct your spelling
park
show examples
 area, certainly
school
Use synonyms
 facilities had to
Add a missing verb
be sacrificed
show examples
sacrificed
Change the verb
sacrifice
show examples
. Obviously, in the
school
Use synonyms
's layout
diagram
Use synonyms
,
ports
Correct article usage
the ports
show examples
 field has lost
three
Use synonyms
 quarters its
size
Use synonyms
, and the playground
also
Linking Words
 is downsized by
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
three
Use synonyms
 its
size
Use synonyms
, compared
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
school
Use synonyms
diagram
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Submitted by nguyennhancrazy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, three, diagram, size with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: