IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both these views and give your ouwn opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 today are interested in
fashion
Use synonyms
 because it
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 an important part of our lives even though it costs a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 but, in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 are busy
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
thinking about it.
First,
Linking Words
fashion
Use synonyms
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
, but
this
Linking Words
 depends on whether the
person
Use synonyms
 is rich or poor because the rich
person
Use synonyms
 can buy everything.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 in our world love new
fashion
Use synonyms
 and are willing to pay a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 for them because it is addictive for them,
for example
Linking Words
: I had a friend who
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
didn't have much
money
Use synonyms
 but he liked
fashion
Use synonyms
 so he took
money
Use synonyms
 from his friends to buy his new stuff.
Third,
Linking Words
in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 the poor
person
Use synonyms
 pays his
money
Use synonyms
 for the requirements of his daily life,
such
Linking Words
 as food, because
anyway
Add a comma
anyway,
show examples
 he cannot pay the cost of
fashion
Use synonyms
 because he
didn’t
Wrong verb form
doesn’t
show examples
 have enough
money
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
fashion
Use synonyms
 is very expensive nowadays because manufacturers pay a
lot
Use synonyms
 of millions to
making
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is acceptable because it is an important part of our life But
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 depends on the type of
person
Use synonyms
,
For example
Linking Words
, actors and celebrities pay a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 for
fashion
Use synonyms
 because they care about how
people
Use synonyms
 see them and want to keep the number 1.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the manager who has a business meeting must wear
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
modern clothes because the other
person
Use synonyms
 will see him as an elegant
person
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 they will do a big work between them. In my opinion,
fashion
Use synonyms
 costs a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
, but it is an important part of our lives because at
this
Linking Words
 time a
person
Use synonyms
 has to keep pace with the development of
fashion
Use synonyms
 because we are in the twentieth century because it is the age of
fashion
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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