I want my writing task 2 score. here is my writing:

Even in our modern
society one
Accept comma addition
society, one
cannnot
can not
cannot
deny that
luck
sometimes has been considered in relation to
success
. But many people are of the belief that
success
is the
prize which
Accept comma addition
prize, which
only
hardworkers
makes things out of wood
woodworkers
hard workers
may achieve it in their life. I agree with the
later
referring to the second of two things or persons mentioned (or the last one or ones of several)
latter
idea.
First
of all, in my perspective working harder may increase the chance of
success
. As a matter of fact it works as a lottery machine which can
prints
Suggestion
print
lots of chance cards for a person and makes him a winner.
For
instance those
Accept comma addition
instance, those
who works later than
usuall
occurring or encountered or experienced or observed frequently or in accordance with regular practice or procedure
usual
employees (10-12 hours a day) will have double chance cards than the ones who leave work earlier (6 hours a day). The proportions of reaching a goal are much higher when you try different routes to it. Working harder
this
way is rather more related to
success
than
wildering
migratory
wandering
wondering
around searching for
luck
.
to
Suggestion
To
bring you fortune.
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
, the term
success
in my believe is not about the short term goals like money and
instead
about the long term ones which are building an
infrustructure
the basic structure or features of a system or organization
infrastructure
in our life. Something that can't be demolished easily. Fore example a successful businessman like an
enterpreneour
someone who organizes a business venture and assumes the risk for it
entrepreneur
interpreter
isn't the rich
one but
Accept comma addition
one, but
the one who can gather himself up after each failure. A hardworking characteristic always makes his efforts till he or she achieve what is needed while the
luckyone
Suggestion
lucky one
don't understand the value of his mistakes and may breakdown behind an easy obstacle in his career and lose what he achieved by
luck
. In conclusion working hard has an
unbounding
incapable of adapting or changing to meet circumstances
unbending
unbinding
unending
relationship with the correct meaning of
success
. The more we go deeper the less we found
luck
relating to it.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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