IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The map below shows the road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010.

The map below shows the road access to a city hospital in 2007 and 2010.
#road #access #city
These maps depict the infrastructure improvement that allows easier entry to the city hospital in 2010 as compared to 2007.
To begin
 with,
it is clear that
 the main layout of the hospital approach was unchanged.
However
, on the
south
Add a comma
,south
show examples
 there was a city lane.
Further
this
 route, on the right side there was a hospital way.
Moreover
, the car parking for staff and the public was
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 opposite direction of the bus stops, which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both ways of the hospital street.
Besides
this
,
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 hospital was in the centre of
ring
Correct article usage
the ring
show examples
 highway.
On the other hand
, by 2010, the originally shared car park only allowed staff to plaza cars there,
while
 a public car place was established to the east of the hospital and
this
 is the
new
Replace the word
newly
show examples
 constructed area.
Furthermore
, now there are two roundabouts was built which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 linked to the ring line and town highway. Not only
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
show examples
 station, but
also
 staff parking has
reconstructed
Add a missing verb
been reconstructed
show examples
.
Overall
, the construction of
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 era is more beneficial for the public rather
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 previous one.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: