Some people think that is a government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however, believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is undeniable that the

health

Use synonyms

of p

opulation

Suggestion

the population

populations

a population

can be s

erious problem

Suggestion

a serious problem

in several countries. Some people say that the

government

Use synonyms

of each country should play a major role in improving public

health

Use synonyms

, while others disagree and think that every single citizen should take care of himself/herself. In

this

Linking Words

passage, both views will be discussed in detail before a conclusion is reached. To enhance overall public

health

Use synonyms

, the

government

Use synonyms

should support the issue in three major ways.

Firstly

Linking Words

, sport facilities should be more included and

also

Linking Words

improved. Nowadays, sport facilities are insufficient and mostly not in good conditions. Some people who cannot afford c

osts

Suggestion

the costs

of a gym membership

therefore

Linking Words

have few options for exercising.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the

government

Use synonyms

should promote welfares that citizens can receive medical guidance from public hospitals. When having correct understandings and directions, people can easily take care their own

health

Use synonyms

Third

Linking Words

, the

government

Use synonyms

should develop the mobile application which can record people’s exercising details which can be used as discounts for food or goods.

On the contrary

Linking Words

, people should

also

Linking Words

eat clean food and more careful about their diets. Foods with less carbs and f

at but

Accept comma addition

fat, but

more vegetables and fruits which offer vital nutrients can help people stay healthy. People should

also

Linking Words

exercise routinely and properly.

For example

Linking Words

, more walking on s

tairs

Suggestion

the stairs

instead

Linking Words

of taking elevators can burn calories they h

ave took

Suggestion

have taken

in one day.

Moreover

Linking Words

, people should change their habits when working in o

ffice.

Suggestion

an office

the office

Sitting in front of a company all day long makes them exhausted. More walks in the office or changing positions can help them stay healthy in terms of their eyes can rest, their neck and back relax. In conclusion, I can deny that the

government

Use synonyms

has to pay attention for the enhancement of sport facilities, introduce

health

Use synonyms

guidance as people’s welfares, and support the policy for exchanging the distance of w

alk

Suggestion

a walk

or run for discounts o

from a particular thing or place or position

off

food.

However

Linking Words

, these cannot be effective if the citizens themselves neglect to eat healthy diets, change their habits while working and encourage t

hemselves

objective case of they

them

to use s

tairs

Suggestion

the stairs

or walk in short distance

instead

Linking Words

of taking e

levator

Suggestion

the elevator

an elevator

elevators

or driving c

ar.

Suggestion

a car

cars

the car

All of cooperation of both

government

Use synonyms

and citizens can lead to a healthy community.

yeonawayongSun Mar 08 2020

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

366 words

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Some people think that is a government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however, believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.

Illiteracy continues to be a concern for many countries in the world today. What are the causes of illiteracy in the modern world, and what effects does it have on the people concerned and on society as a whole?

Some think they can use as much fresh water as they want, but others say governments should limit water use because it's not endless. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the government is responsible for crime prevention. Others think that it is individuals responsibility to protect themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.