Some people think that is a government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however, believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is undeniable that the
health
of p
opulation
Suggestion
the population
populations
a population
can be s
erious problem
Suggestion
a serious problem
in several countries. Some people say that the
government
of each country should play a major role in improving public
health
, while others disagree and think that every single citizen should take care of himself/herself. In
this
passage, both views will be discussed in detail before a conclusion is reached. To enhance overall public
health
, the
government
should support the issue in three major ways.
Firstly
, sport facilities should be more included and
also
improved. Nowadays, sport facilities are insufficient and mostly not in good conditions. Some people who cannot afford c
osts
Suggestion
the costs
of a gym membership
therefore
have few options for exercising.
Secondly
, the
government
should promote welfares that citizens can receive medical guidance from public hospitals. When having correct understandings and directions, people can easily take care their own
health
.
Third
, the
government
should develop the mobile application which can record people’s exercising details which can be used as discounts for food or goods.
On the contrary
, people should
also
eat clean food and more careful about their diets. Foods with less carbs and f
at but
Accept comma addition
fat, but
more vegetables and fruits which offer vital nutrients can help people stay healthy. People should
also
exercise routinely and properly.
For example
, more walking on s
tairs
Suggestion
the stairs
instead
of taking elevators can burn calories they h
ave took
Suggestion
have taken
in one day.
Moreover
, people should change their habits when working in o
ffice.
Suggestion
an office
the office
Sitting in front of a company all day long makes them exhausted. More walks in the office or changing positions can help them stay healthy in terms of their eyes can rest, their neck and back relax. In conclusion, I can deny that the
government
has to pay attention for the enhancement of sport facilities, introduce
health
guidance as people’s welfares, and support the policy for exchanging the distance of w
alk
Suggestion
a walk
or run for discounts o
f
from a particular thing or place or position
off
food.
However
, these cannot be effective if the citizens themselves neglect to eat healthy diets, change their habits while working and encourage t
hemselves
objective case of they
them
to use s
tairs
Suggestion
the stairs
or walk in short distance
instead
of taking e
levator
Suggestion
the elevator
an elevator
elevators
or driving c
ar.
Suggestion
a car
cars
the car
All of cooperation of both
government
and citizens can lead to a healthy community.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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