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Band 4

Nowadays public transport prices are constantly increasing. Why do you think this is happening? How can this problem be solved?

#transport #prices
In recent years, increasing the
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
transportation
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a serious issue in many centres of cities all over the world. So, it would be meaningful to discuss why
such
 a problem has occurred and to suggest how to deal with
this
 matter.
To begin
 with, the
workers
 who work in
transportation
Add an article
the transportation
show examples
 industry are not offered proper wages and
welfares
Fix the agreement mistake
welfare
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.
Also
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not
sufficient
Correct article usage
a sufficient
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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number of
workers
 performing in tubes, buses and trains. It naturally leads to
Correct article usage
a raise
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raise
Correct your spelling
rise
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 fee for
transportation
 on account of there
are
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a great deal of people
talking
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
a public transport
Remove the article
public transport
a means of public transport
a mode of public transport
show examples
, but
workers
 working in various
transportation
 enterprises do not devote
to
Correct pronoun usage
themselves to
show examples
 their duties in that they cannot be provided with the appropriate income as they spent a lot of time in working. In Korea,
for example
, it is not difficult to witness
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strike of
transportation'
Change noun form
transportation
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 employees, they cannot enjoy even on
holiday
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holidays
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 and
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overworking payment, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
numerous
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 are inclined to
ascend
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the
transportation
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to offer
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to their
workers
. Under
this
 situation, I am firmly of the opinion that the power of the government is necessary. In the first place, the authorities should intervene in the transport corporations and invest a lot of revenue in
workers
 who
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 undergone
unfairness
Replace the word
unfair
show examples
 welfare or did not get proper profits. In
this
 way, the citizens cannot feel uncomfortable anymore, including too long service
interval
Fix the agreement mistake
intervals
show examples
 and do not need to pay for growing
fare
Fix the agreement mistake
fares
show examples
 of
talking
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
,
as well as
 the employees working in the public
transportation
 industry can labour enthusiastically and have responsibility for their obligations.
For instance
, in the short run, the government should serve and increase
worker'
Fix the agreement mistake
workers'
show examples
 earnings. It is imperative to dispose of their
profoundly
Change the adverb
profound
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 complaints
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can be able to keep working with
pleasure
Correct article usage
a pleasure
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 mind.
And in
Correct word choice
In
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 the long run, the nations should make the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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awareness
Replace the word
aware
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 that the employees who are in charge of their commuting loads
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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strive
people'
Change preposition
for people'
show examples
 security and they are desirable to get better
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
. In conclusion, there are still severe causes and provocations which raise the
transportation'
Correct your spelling
transportation
show examples
 fee. But, I am personally convinced that the government should tackle
this
 issue and take countermeasures sooner.
Submitted by bibila1120 on

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Task Response
The essay provides a partially relevant response to the question. It addresses the reasons for increasing public transport prices but lacks a clear solution to the problem. More specific and feasible suggestions for solving the problem need to be provided.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs lack coherent development. There is a need for more logical organization of ideas within and between paragraphs. Transition words and phrases should be used more effectively to enhance cohesion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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