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Band 5

The bar chart gives information about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents.

The bar chart gives information about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents.
#bar #information #car #journeys #city #centre #residents #non-residents
This
 rendered chart illustrates the number of car
journeys
 into the
city
centre
 by
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 live
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the town
centre
 And
non-
residents
 in midst of the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1996 and 2005.
Overall
, between 1996 and 1999
residents
, most visited the heart of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
,
whereas
, from 2000 to 2002
non-
residents
 did more car
journeys
 into the
city
centre
.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the start of the era, over 900
residents
 had a journey to
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
centre
 per day,
whereas
, only 5000
non-
residents
 take
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 road to
central
Add an article
the central
show examples
city
 and until 1999 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 an up and down in the
residents
Change to a genitive case
resident's
residents'
show examples
 tour but
non-
residents
journeys
 had a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
show examples
 increase.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
,
1999
Change preposition
in 1999
show examples
residents
 visiting decreased unexpectedly In 2000 to 5000
journeys
 regularly.
Thus
 in 2004
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of resident visitors
reached
Correct pronoun usage
who reached
show examples
 the
city
centre
 was 4000 per day, and slightly less than 4000 for
nonresidents
Correct your spelling
non-residents
show examples
. Importantly, between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1999 and 2000 parking meters were assembled in the
centre
 of
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
.
Therefore
 three years later Westgate street and Park lane were forbidden to traffic
Submitted by raman.gtr on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words journeys, city, centre, non-residents, residents with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend analysis
  • residents
  • non-residents
  • urban planning
  • traffic management
  • regulate
  • measures
  • impact
  • increase
  • decrease
  • compare
  • explore
  • evaluate
  • potential
  • journey
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