IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

MANY WORKING PEOPLE GET LITTLE OR NO EXERCISE EITHER DURING THE WORKING DAY OR IN THEIR FREE TIME, AND HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS AS A RESULT. WHY DO MANY WORKING PEOPLE NOT GET ENOUGH EXERCISE? WHAT CAN BE DONE ABOUT THIS PROBLEM?

#people #exercise #time #health
Eventhough
Suggestion
Even though
 working out have many
benifts
financial assistance in time of need
benefits
 on people lifestyle and health, we still see a high percentage who
don't excercise
Suggestion
doesn't exercise
don't exercise
.In result, we notice people who don't
excersice
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
exercises
exercised
 at least twice a week will have health problems.
FIrst
preceding all others in time or space or degree
First
 of all, preserving
time
 to
excersice
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
exorcise
 twice a week or more can be easy to manage.
Alot
Suggestion
A lot
 of people lack the knowledge on how much
excersice
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
 will eliminate health problems,
therfore
(used to introduce a logical conclusion) from that fact or reason or as a result
therefore
therefor
 we can notice based on statistics that people who are in mid 30's preserve more
time
 for
excersing
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercising
.
Secondly
,
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of people
perfer
like better; value more highly
prefer
 spending free
time
 with family and friends.
For example
, people will prefer going to the bar or watching Netflix at home with family over
excersing
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercising
. In conclusion, people don't have enough education and knowledge about the importance of exercising.
Also
, people lack the skills of
time
managment
the act of managing something
management
. I suggest having educational sessions in schools and
workplace
Suggestion
the workplace
workplaces
 that explain the importance of preserving
time
 for
excersing
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercising
 at home or at the gym. In instance, having educational sessions will improve the
time
mangement
the act of managing something
management
 skills and more people will include
excersing
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercising
accessing
 in their weekly schedule.
Submitted by ali.h.haidar90 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: