IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line chart below presents the fluctuation
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
 and
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 in New Zealand from 1901 to 2101.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that there was a steady rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
birth
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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fluctuation over a period starting from 1901. As can be seen from the graph, the proportion of the
death
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
rates
Fix the agreement mistake
rate
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 was nearly 10,000 and lower than the
birth
Use synonyms
 for 8,000 from the beginning of the period. It
then
Linking Words
 continuously rose for the
next
Linking Words
 few years until 2041 it will reach its peak at approximately 60,000 without decrease.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
death
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 will be constant until 2101. In the case of the
birth
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
, the rate quickly increased until it reached its highest point at 66,000 by 1961.
Then
Linking Words
 the rate started fluctuating many times
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but mainly continued to drop at 40,000. The year
by
Change preposition
apply
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2041 will witness a significant decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the figure for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death
Use synonyms
 experiences a stable rise over the
last
Linking Words
 period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words birth, death, rates with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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