IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that individuals are responsible for their own happiness, while others think happiness is dependent on other external factors. Discuss both views and include your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and examples from your experience.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
Happiness
 in
life
 is like a food for your inner conscience. Many people think that an individual is himself responsible for his own
happiness
. On the hand, it depends on various outside world factors which affect him. I shall discuss both the viewpoints and state my perspective. Considering the inner factors responsible for one’s own
happiness
, one gets easily swayed by his own desires. We want more and more in
life
. There is nothing wrong in it as long as we don’t live beyond our means. As a famous author said if we start buying things, we don’t want soon we have to sell things we really want. Another reason that
effects
the conscious subjective aspect of feeling or emotion
affects
 your
happiness
 is how positively you take the things and major events of your
life
. An optimistic approach always helps you to keep you happy.
For
instance is
Accept comma addition
instance, is
 you get a transfer in job, it should be taken as an opportunity to learn more and chance to interact with more people.
On the contrary
, some people think that as a person gets more attracted to the money and luxuries in his
life
, it impacts his
life
 adversely. The insatiable desire for worldly things is always a factor for one’s contentment. To clarify, If we want a big house just to show our friends it will give you short time
pleasure but
Accept comma addition
pleasure, but
 for lifelong
happiness
 you must have savings to help you in your odd days.To continue, All that glitters is not gold.
Furthermore
, Your peace of mind is utmost important to keep you healthy and
also
 it will keep you more focussed in
life
. In conclusion, It is necessary that you set your priorities in
life
.
First define
Accept comma addition
First, define
 your
happiness
Accept comma addition
happiness, then
then
 follow the path. Don’t allow the outside world to affect you more in pursuit of
happiness
. Don’t cry for the moon.
Its
Suggestion
It's
 very easy to be happy to control your desires. Its only the individual himself who is responsible for his own
happiness
.
Submitted by kgill31mansanjh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: