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Band 5.5

With growing population in cities, more and more people live in a home with small or no outdoor areas. Is it a positive or negative development?

#population #cities #people #home #areas #development
These days an increasing number of
people
 are living in an accommodation with small or no outdoor spaces in urban areas. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development for several reasons. On the one hand, living in a home with little space may lead to various health problems.
Firstly
, being constrained in a limited area and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 no chance of outdoor activity
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the likelihood of depression.
Besides
, the lack of air fluency indoors causes respiratory-related disease and
undermine
Correct subject-verb agreement
undermines
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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working efficiency. Living in that atmosphere for a long time would only bring bad behaviours
such
 as laziness.
Finally
,
unable
Add a missing verb
being unable
show examples
 to do outdoor activities would cause obesity. If individuals had no space to do some active tasks
such
 as gardening, they would run a sedentary lifestyle,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they would become obese. 0n the other hand, it sounds more economical to live in small houses, especially in city centres. House owners can save money by renting
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accommodation which is smaller and cheaper.
However
, there are still some aspects in which spacious
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
 its counterpart. Larger spaces for extended families act as an incentive for their children to develop physically and mentally. It is apparent that by playing outdoor activities in gardens or open spaces
people
 can release stress and children can enhance their immune systems. In conclusion,
while
 modest accommodations can benefit
people
 in terms of budget, when it comes to
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle spacious places will turn out to be the best solution.
Therefore
,
people
 should base
on
Correct pronoun usage
themselves on
show examples
 their individual situations to make the right decision.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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