IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that those moving to abroad should try to adopt themselves to the new cultures while others think there is no need to do so. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

#people #cultures
Undoubtedly, nowadays everyone has a curiosity to migrate overseas. Some section of society believe that those people who settle down in foreign countries must be familiar with their tradition,
however
, several think that it is not vital.
This
 essay with highlight both the notion along with my opinion.
To begin
 with, there are certain benefits to accept the
culture
 of those particular
nation
Suggestion
nations
 where individuals are living. Primarily, if people learn the rituals of those
region
Suggestion
region, then
regions then
regions regions then
then
 they can be familiar with the festivals and history because it is fact that each
countries
Suggestion
country
 have their own ethnic values which represents their own civilization.
Secondly
, accepting
rules
Suggestion
the rules
 and regulations of another region can help to those who migrate to foreign countries for
purpose
Suggestion
the purpose
 of study. In
this
 way, they can get rid
from
Suggestion
of
 homesickness
thus
 they can easily survive by their own. On the other side, there are
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of people who think that it is not essential to accept living style of countries. The main effect is that if masses adopt
new
Suggestion
a new culture, then
a new culture then
the new culture then
culture
then
 they might be far away from their own custom and tradition.
For example
, in
this
 modern era, a number of people who live in their own country, they have a curiosity to follow western
culture
 due to that they forget their own rituals.
As a result
, the community can be disappeared and individuals can lose their
identification
Suggestion
identity
. To conclude, according to my perception, both the aspects have their own
importance but
Accept comma addition
importance, but
 still people should accept
new
Suggestion
the new culture
a new culture
culture
 of the nation for best living where they can never face difficulties.
Submitted by dilpreetdhaliwal797 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • integration
  • acceptance
  • community
  • customs
  • language
  • societal norms
  • cultural barriers
  • culture shock
  • heritage
  • identity
  • local way of life
  • multicultural
  • diversity
  • fusion
  • positive cultural exchange
  • unfamiliar environment
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • expat communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: