IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #ban #sports #freedom #activity
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It is true that there is
an
Suggestion
a
 concern of dangerous sports which is widespread and draw to public
attentions
Suggestion
attention
, other people believe that these should be banned,
although
Linking Words
 people must not be underestimate its consequence to individual and communities as a whole. I would argue that they should freedom to participate whatever sports that they engage in. On the one hand, people have several strong reasons
to
Suggestion
for
 the government must imposed official bans and restricted to dangerous sports.
Firstly
Linking Words
, due to
safety
Use synonyms
 reason, there are many extreme
case
Suggestion
cases
 that
recuse
a male sovereign; ruler of a kingdom
Rex
requires
reeks
 member of
group
Suggestion
the group
have put
Suggestion
has put
 their threaten-life situation to help people who are addicted and intriguing by dangerous sports.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that being necessary to impose rules to people abide by them,
such
Linking Words
an
Suggestion
a
 non-physical, mental disorder, heart disease, etc. , which is
also
Linking Words
 unsuitable for non-
experience
Suggestion
experienced
 people.
Such
Linking Words
 irresponsible action must only prevented by official bans.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I would agree with people who is considered freedom to
chose
Suggestion
choose
 their activity they are enjoyable,
although
Linking Words
 I believe that
individual
Suggestion
individuals
the individual
an individual
 should be abide by
Use synonyms
safety rule
Suggestion
safety rules
. One reason is that it is reasonably to under injuries and accidents when they take part in. An example is that
playing scuba
Accept comma addition
playing, scuba
 diving and
paragliding
Suggestion
Paragliding
 have to put
supervision
Suggestion
the supervision
 of professionals and expert in their field. Another situation is that recently the equipment of dangerous sports
have been
Suggestion
has been
had been
 several
safety
Use synonyms
 functions to ensure users more effectively to play with them, undermining its consequence when they are
at
Suggestion
in
 the heaven or deep water.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they are
variety
Suggestion
a variety
varieties
 of
genre
Suggestion
genres
 that people are easily to
chose
Suggestion
choose
this
Linking Words
 one. In conclusion, it is should be permitted dangerous sports and participants have to responsible for
safety
Use synonyms
 rule that being applied.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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