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Band 5.5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #time
Some workers believe that the more
time
 you
work
, the more success you achieve. That’s why many people agree that countries with a long average working
time
 are more successful than those countries which have less working
time
. In my opinion, I entirely disagree with
this
 statement and believe that it is not good to
work
 too much. It is the fact that spending more
time
 working does not mean you will earn more money. As far as I know, Korea and Mexico are listed in the top 5 countries having the longest working
time
. Both the Mexican and the Korean
work
 about 10 hours per day. And these countries are
not still listed
Suggestion
still not listed
 in the top 5 most developed countries. Meanwhile, Denmark, Germany or other European countries are recognized as the most developed countries with the developed economy. There is an interesting fact that the German
only
Suggestion
only works
work
 roughly 4 to 5 hours per day, which is half as much
time
 as the Korean works. So, it is obvious that the importance is productivity, not the length of working
time
. Workers in Europe know how to use technology
to
Suggestion
in
 their jobs to increase the capacity,
therefore
, they easily earn a huge amount of money and live happily.
Moreover
, working too much causes many dangerous diseases
such
 as stress, headache or heart attack. In Japan, there is a word called “
karoshi
Suggestion
Karoshi
’’
,
Accept space
,
 refers to overworked people died because of working pressure. The Japanese not only do full-
time
job but
Accept comma addition
job, but
also
 do a part-
time
 job at midnight. They are having lack of relaxing
time
,
as a result
, they get some dangerous diseases and even lead to death. But the economy is not as strong as European countries. In conclusion, working too much is not good for employees at all. We have to manipulate technological devices to
work
, by that way, people will get enough money to live happily.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
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