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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#trips #children #country #travel #school #modes #transport #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph depicts
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about trips made by
school
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 in one country using separate modes of transport in
Use synonyms
Change the article
the year
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1990 and 2010. The. data has been calibrated in numbers. In an overview, Travel to and from
school
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
 between
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 5-12 was maximum by walking in
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990
while
Linking Words
 in 2010 it was
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Car. It is evident that going to and from
school
Use synonyms
 via car in 2010 was around 11
million
Use synonyms
 whilst
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 was close to 4.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 1990.
Also
Linking Words
,
Children
Use synonyms
 travelling to
school
Use synonyms
 in 2010 by walking was roughly around 12.5
million
Use synonyms
 which doubled from
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990 (6
million
Use synonyms
).
On
Change preposition
Furthermore
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
 digging,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to and from
school
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
by
show examples
cycle
Add an article
the cycle
a cycle
show examples
 was almost three times
popular
Correct quantifier usage
more popular
show examples
 in 1990 ( approximately 6.1
million
Use synonyms
)
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2010 (2
million
Use synonyms
).
Additionally
Linking Words
, In 2010 travelling by walking and Bus to
school
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
 was around 3
million
Use synonyms
 which has halved in comparison to
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990( nearly 59
million
Use synonyms
). Adding on, travel to
school
Use synonyms
 on
bus
Add an article
the bus
show examples
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
plunged in 2010 (approximately 50
million
Use synonyms
) by 20
million
Use synonyms
 in context to
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990 ( roughly 70
million
Use synonyms
)
Submitted by anuragdhaliwal on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words school, children, year, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • trips
  • children
  • modes of transport
  • walk
  • cycle
  • public transport
  • drive
  • car
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • shift
  • convenient
  • comfortable
  • commuting
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • significant
  • indicate
  • reasons
  • traffic congestion
  • safety concerns
  • 20-year period
  • doubled
  • considerable margin
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