More and more adults are spending time playing computer games. Why are adults doing so? Is it good or bad?

Nowdays

Suggestion

Nowadays

, video games are

becoming favourite

Suggestion

becoming a favourite

part of

developed

Suggestion

developmental

people.

Suggestion

is shown in the recent study that 70% of

mature population

Suggestion

the mature population

spend

time

Use synonyms

on these games. It is good to play games until it does not become an

addiction

Use synonyms

. There are many reasons that people spend

time

Use synonyms

on playing games.

This

Linking Words

is true that it acts as

stress buster

Suggestion

a stress buster

stress busters

. With the hectic schedule of

dailiy

every day; without missing a day

daily

living like job,

responsbilities

the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force

responsibilities

and demands of family people feel

stressfull

extremely irritating to the nerves

stressful

Thus

Linking Words

, playing video games relaxes their

mind

Use synonyms

from stress.

Also

Linking Words

human

Suggestion

the human mind

mind

Use synonyms

become

Suggestion

becomes

bore from the same routine of living.

Thus

Linking Words

, games help them to divert their

mind

Use synonyms

from

boredum

the feeling of being bored by something tedious

boredom

and stop causing stress fir their

mind

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, an

addiction

Use synonyms

of computer games can cause more problems for themselves and for their families.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it affects to pay concentration on their work

thus

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

furthur

to or at a greater extent or degree or a more advanced stage ('further' is used more often than 'farther' in this abstract sense)

further

leads to other problems like termination from job and family problems. Loved ones will get upset and unhappy when the family member is spending most of the

time

Use synonyms

on games

instead

Linking Words

of giving

time

Use synonyms

to them.

Secondly

Linking Words

, the main problem is Health problem. People can get neck pain, dry eyes, headache and more problems by spending more

time

Use synonyms

on screen. If a person already lost his job just because of

this

Linking Words

Use synonyms

addiction

Accept comma addition

addiction, then

then

Linking Words

it will become hard for them to get health care. To sum up, video game

addiction

Use synonyms

is just not a

problems

Suggestion

problem

adults but

Accept comma addition

adults, but

also

Linking Words

bad for teenagers. These games are isolating people from their families and from

responsbilities

the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force

responsibilities

. Mainly, it puts a bad effect on their

living

Suggestion

lives

Mar 14, 2020

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Escapism
Stresses and pressures
Daily life
Social interaction
Communities
Entertainment value
High-quality graphics
Engaging storylines
Challenging gameplay
Accessibility
Cognitive benefits
Problem-solving skills
Hand-eye coordination
Addiction
Sedentary lifestyle
Neglect
Real-world responsibilities

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