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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006

the chart below shows the global sales of different kinds of digital games from 2000 to 2006
#sales #kinds #games
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The bar chart illustrates the worldwide
sales
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 of the varied kinds of digital
games
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 over the period of 6 years from 2000 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of global
sales
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 are occupied by handheld
games
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 in the given period.
Whereas
Linking Words
, mobile phone
games
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 stood at the least and occupied very low
sales
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.
How ever
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However
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, there are many more
games
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 which are in
competitions
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competition
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 like console
games
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 and online
games
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.
Initially
Linking Words
, handheld
games
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 are having a sale of about 12
currency
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Use synonyms
billions
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billion
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 in the beginning, which rose to 18
currency
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billions
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billion
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 in the final year. In 2001 PC
games
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 are somewhere around 6
currency
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billions
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 which declined exactly to
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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half by the end. Online
games
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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remarkably increased from 0
currency
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 billion to 10
currency
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Use synonyms
billions
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billion
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. Mobile phone
games
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 which are
initially
Linking Words
 at 0
currency
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 billion increased approximately to 6
currency
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Use synonyms
billions
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billion
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of
Change preposition
in
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sales
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. To surmise, handheld
games
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 showed astonishing results when compared to any other kind of
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games
Fix the agreement mistake
game
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 and stood at the top places in
sales
Use synonyms
 over the world.
Submitted by kalyandunuka17 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "initially".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, games, currency, billions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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