IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many believe that the best way to ensure a happier society is to reduce the difference in income earnings between the rich and poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Question
Suggestion
The question
A question
 of where happiness
are generated
Suggestion
is generated
 from in the modern society is hard to give a comprehensive answer. Some people think that if
huge
Suggestion
the huge gap
a huge gap
gap
Use synonyms
 of
income
Use synonyms
 between wealthy and poor people is reduced, a whole
community
Use synonyms
 will be cheerful.
However
Linking Words
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 somewhat agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint that narrow
gap
Use synonyms
 of
income
Use synonyms
 difference would lead to
happy
Suggestion
happier
 people.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, justice makes people feel happy and fair in the
community
Use synonyms
.
if
Suggestion
If
 people are treated equally no depending on which social group they come from, how
wealthy they
Accept comma addition
wealthy, they
 are, they feel satisfied and relaxed with their living
community
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in
job interview
Suggestion
job interviews
a job interview
, candidates feel good if evaluation process focus on the what knowledge, skills and practice
they
objective case of they
them
 acquire rather which clothes they wear.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, people, particularly youth, tend to lose their hope for
future
Suggestion
the future
 and feel desperate with their life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, acquisition of
education
Use synonyms
 is the best way to create a happy society and get rid of a huge difference of
income
Use synonyms
 among individuals. It is a fact that high level of
education
Use synonyms
 lead to high
income
Use synonyms
. When poor people are encouraged to gain
vocational
Suggestion
a vocational education
education
Use synonyms
 to find a job, poverty rate will be decreased and
thus
Linking Words
 the there will be no anger about earning
gap
Use synonyms
 among people.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is true that the most influential factor that makes people feel dissatisfied within the
community
Use synonyms
 is the widening
gap
Use synonyms
 of
income
Use synonyms
 of advantaged and disadvantaged individuals. In the urban city, while some people are earning less than a dollar in the outskirts district and living under
impoverished line
Suggestion
the impoverished line
,
other
plural of other; the people or things not already mentioned
others
 are paid high by big corporations and staying in the penthouse.
For example
Linking Words
, my younger brother asks when their parents will become rich from parents, that have a serious impact on family relations and lead to disappointment at home. In the conclusion,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 am strongly convinced that there are other better approach for leading happy society
by
Suggestion
of
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
educating
educated
 people and treating equally.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
income
Use synonyms
 of poor will increase
and
Suggestion
community and thus
and this community
thus
Linking Words
community
Use synonyms
 will become more relaxed.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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