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Writing Samples
Band 5

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they travelled abroad and why they travelled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period.
#first #results #survey #cross-section #people #period #second #destinations
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While
 the first chart gives
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about
survey
 results which
taken
Add a missing verb
were taken
show examples
 from a
cross section
Add a hyphen
cross-section
show examples
 of hundred
respondents
 asking about the
purpose
 of their travel, the
second
 chart provides information about their destinations of visits by main region. The
survey
 was taken between 1994 and 1998 in both
chart
Change to a plural noun
charts
show examples
.
Overall
, it is
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
show examples
 that most of
respondents
Add an article
the respondents
show examples
 travel abroad
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a
holiday
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 and
also
goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
go
show examples
 to the countries of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western Europe during the period when the
survey
 was held. In the first table graph, almost th
three quarters
Add a hyphen
three-quarters
show examples
 of
respondents
 (15246) answered that the major reason for their travel was
holiday
Add an article
a holiday
show examples
 in 1994.
This
 main trend started to decrease from that year
untill
Correct your spelling
until
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 year by about 4
thousand
 people and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just above 15
thousand
. But
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 following years, there was a slight increase in the
number
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
holiday
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
, and
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end year of the
survey
, the
number
 reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
above 20
thousand
. Despite the
holiday
purpose
, the reasons for business activity and visiting friends and families were more popular
from
Change preposition
than
show examples
other kind
Change the wording
another kind
other kinds
show examples
 of reasons. In 1994, the travelled UK citizens with business and visiting relatives
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 were just above (3155) and under 3
thousand
 (2689), respectively.
Then
 the marginal growth
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 continually in the
number
 of people who travelled
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these purposes mentioned above during the
next
 years, and for business, the figure almost reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
4
thousand
, and for visiting relatives, it
outweighted
Correct your spelling
outweighed
 3
thousand
. There was
also
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respondents
Change the noun form
respondent
show examples
 whose travelling
purpose
 was different, and the
number
 of
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of people
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
show examples
 along
thousand
Correct article usage
the thousand
show examples
 during the
survey
 period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, next".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words survey, respondents, purpose, holiday, thousand, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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