IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.

The chart below shows the number of trips made by children in one country in 1990 and 2010 to travel to and from school using different modes of transport.
#trips #children #country #travel #school #modes #transport
The bar chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 of total trips per
year
 by
different
Add an article
the different
a different
show examples
 medium as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car, by walk,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 cycling,use
bus
Add an article
the bus
show examples
as well as
bus
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
walking
whereas
 compression between the
year
 1990 and 2010.
firstly
, in 1990 car passenger people total
number
 was only 4.2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
,but in 2010 the
number
 of
children
number
 was three
time
Change to a plural noun
times
show examples
 more
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
Change preposition
to their
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
walking
Change the article
a walking
the walking
show examples
number
 of
children
number
 had the highest in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990,
however
; less interest in the
year
 2010
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
 two times compare
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
year
 1990.
secondly
, cycling
as well as
 walking and
bus
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
user
 were
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in 1990,but in
cycling
Add a comma
,cycling
show examples
user
 was only 2
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 and walking and
bus
user
 was 2.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 6.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 child uses
bus
 in 1990 but it was down
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 2010.
overall
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car
Correct quantifier usage
number of car
show examples
user
 is the highest in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2010 and walking
children
 the
more
Correct quantifier usage
most
show examples
 in 1990 but
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 interest
bicycle
Change preposition
in bicycle
show examples
 in the
year
 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, bus, number, millions, children, user with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

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