IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the fittest and strongest individuals and team will win in sports, while others believe it is those who have a good mental attitude will win in the end. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions diverge widely the main factors leading to the triumph in various physical activities. Despite the arguments of some people that
such
Linking Words
 the highest level of physical fitness brought a
significance
Suggestion
significant
 for athletes and
sport
Use synonyms
 teams, it is my
opinion belief
Accept comma addition
opinion, belief
 that psychological factors are far more effective to achieve success in competitions. On the one hand, it is evident that high-performance athletes or
sport
Use synonyms
 teams, whether they are professionals or amateurs, are largely determined by physical training, according to muscular strength and endurance. Particularly, most aquatic sports are calling for a capability of balance and speed in swimmers,
then
Linking Words
a
Suggestion
an
 able-bodied fit is necessarily needed.
Additionally
Linking Words
, well-built members
in
Suggestion
of
 a
Use synonyms
sport
Suggestion
sports
 team could get
competitive eager
Accept comma addition
competitive, eager
, contributing to their predominance over other teams.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the strongest argument for the mental factors as I believe is that it is far more significant than physical ones. In fact, psychological disorder negatively impacts the overall
sport
Use synonyms
 outcomes due to the pressure of victory. Given that
sport
Use synonyms
 players with the best physical abilities, of course, are occasionally
lack
Suggestion
lacking
 of will power and perseverance, they easily tend to surrender.Yet, with regard to optimistic views, competitor facing with mistakes in game sports can reel in their attention to score for his own sake rather than losing his self-confidence and lashing out at his team workers in anger. In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the successful achievement result from mental factors reveals
importance
Suggestion
important
 roles to both individuals and teams in
sport
Use synonyms
 activities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: